- finished the forensics essay.
- went for a swim! it’s getting hot. hopefully it will rain lots.
- just read an article in which suicide is referred to as “the ultimate act of self control.” my eyebrows disappeared into my hairline.
- every day i’m 10x the person I was. life is a collection of experiences. throughout it breathing grows harder and harder, so we almost wish it was over just so we didn’t have to keep guessing. ladybugs are the greatest invention ever.
didn’t get any assignment done today. I tried a couple of times but just couldn’t. I felt bad all day, don’t know why. slept for a while and watched stupid TVcooking shows, thought about everything wrong.
good! cleaned my room, got some business stuff done. tritonpalace finally paid me.
a fiend of Sarah’s has been living with us the past month or two. the flamingo pink formal girl, name of Rosie. she was (allegedly) beaten by her mother, so ran away and moved in with us. then moved in with her grandmother, who (allegedly) then kicked her out because, according to Sa, “she would worry too much when Rosie was out at parties and stuff and she has a bad heart.” okay so it makes sense, when you don’t want to worry about her anymore, to kick her out when she has nowhere to go. personal opinion: filthy liar! personal affect(noun!): don’t care.
will now take a bath and finish my essay. maybe.
I have a slight, superficial crush on Australian Idol Kelly. am I predictable?
well, it’s Monday in an hour, and I haven’t written any more of my essay since Friday, so I don’t think i’ll have it done by Monday.
and I think, on my path to self-betterment, I need to:
- clean my room
- stop thinking of new projects until this semester is over
- let my hair grow
- learn to be a waitress
- train my dog
- never masturbate again
and right my essay. write now.
forgot my daily today (yesterday). now I can’t remember anything. see why I need to write stuff?
seriously. oh except I put glow in the dark fairies on one of my walls and sliced myself open on a piece of glass sticking out of it. I know i’m stupid. and then when I woke up this morning all the fairies had fallen off anyway. bah.
I went to class at 9 and talked to someone about the experiment who’s doing the same design as me, pre-test post-test. so I feel slightly better about that. then we had to do this stupid thing which required everyone to get in pairs. well! I don’t have friends, but there are people I can talk to more than others. this is the one class there is no one I talk to in. there are other people who don’t talk to people, but they sit up the front, and I.. don’t. so by the time I looked up everyone had a pair but me. so, stupid me, being really stupid, just left.
but I went to the library and started my 2000 word forensic essay, which is now half finished. yay! i’ve sworn to have finished it by Monday, when i’ll start my anthropology essay.
found out today that the week Sarah and I are going to Melbourne is the week she’s supposed to audition for her uni applications. so i’ll have to change that, but we can’t go in December because it’ll be booked out for Christmas, and can’t go sooner because we’ll both still be at school, so we’ll have to go in January or something.
and I watched Dumbo and St Elmo’s Fire. really, you wouldn’t believe how many movies I watch a week. I have a collection of like 150 tapes and DVDs that i’ve seen 20million times each. I can’t help it.
think I want to hide this away where no one can find it. every day is so stupidly boring, and so am I.
mmm. exam today was very disappointing. feel like I studied for nothing; it was so simple I finished after 10 minutes or something. but then when people were chattering afterwards they must have been brainless because they couldn’t figure out, for some reason, that the memory order is perception, encoding, storage and retrieval. even if i’d never taken a psychology class in my life i’d be able to figure that one out. also there were only 31 questions when he said there’d be 40. even 40 isn’t a lot, so 31? how can 31 questions be worth 25%? that isn’t fair. of course, i’d be far more outraged if I didn’t think i’d gotten every one right. 🙂
oh, except one about an experiment testing forensic psychologists compared with laymen at offender profiling. but why! why should we have to remember examples and the results of past experiments anyway? I never take notes on those.
ooo. then I went up to the lifespan lecturer’s office because she’d posted the results of the exam already. wow! everyone did badly. it looked like the mean score was about 40 (out of 70). I was standing there looking at mine and it was 63 and I was thinking “how very crap.” then someone said “oh look, the highest is 63,” at about the same time as someone asked me, “what’d you get?”
for some reason it made me feel imbecilic so I think I walked away without answering. i’ve been reading ever since but still don’t feel better. I should have felt . … hm.
I think i’ll do my experiment on alcohol and perceived physical attractiveness. it’s an easy test-retest. I really can’t think of anything else simple enough, all the ones I want to do are too complicated. he gave us a three day extension.
i’m stressed. after tomorrow’s exam.. gosh. I can’t even think about it. I wish I was two weeks into the future. and i can’t study tonight because I can’t concentrate. i’ve been trying.
want to quit. I don’t want to be a psychologist. I don’t want to be anything, or do anything, or do nothing.
one more exam, then i’ve a whole week off to work on assignments. i’ve been worrying about them the past two days, but don’t want to start ’til exams are over. it feels like all i’ve been thinking about the past days is university. it’s really very tiring, i’m glad it doesn’t have to last long. oh but! today we got a new assignment. a group presentation. and because my group can’t all get together at the same time, I have to meet each of them individually, instead. why! do they give us everything due at the same time! those big fat meanies.
I went to talk to Leonard and he said I don’t have to work during exams and stuff, even though I said I didn’t mind. the reason he wanted to talk to me was to ask if i’d do waitressing too, and I said I would. then on the way home I passed three girls and one Screamed after me, “is black your favourite colour?” it must be the third time a Trinity Beach kid has asked me if black’s my favourite colour. I wonder if it’s just the same one each time?
The Amazing Race. I don’t usually watch it because it’s on late, but I watched it tonight because! they were in Cairns! yay! except all we saw of it was the airport and then all the places around it. and they kept pronouncing it wrong. Americans always pronounce it like the i isn’t there. BUT IT IS. IT IS THERE. there’s no such thing as a silent i.
and a girl approached me in the refectory to ask me to pose with a backpack and/or laptop around campus for publicity photos. I said no.
exam today, and I think I did better than I did last time, so considering I did well last time, 99.5% sure I did well this time.
I skipped the lecture and tutorial afterwards to come home and study for the exam tomorrow, which I did almost all day in between watching The Hours, which I didn’t really like. well I would have liked it if they had cut out the present Mrs Dalloway bit and just had Virginia Woolf and the 50s mumm. and they should have shown her leaving her kids.
I never read Mrs Dalloway. the probablity of my doing so has increased by my watching the movie.
studying for lifespan development sucks, because lifespan development sucks. I like the various stages of development though. Freud, of course, and Erikson, Piaget, Vygotski. Erikson’s was the hardest because there are so many and so many terms. trust vs mistrust, autonomy vs shame & guilt, initiative vs guilt, industry vs inferiority, intimacy vs isolation, generativity vs stagnation, integrity vs despair.
uh oh, I missed one. crap, i’m going to fail. what is it?
identity vs identity confusion! it goes between industry and intimacy.
not going to fail.
how, exactly, could someone find this blog by searching for unbearably itchy vulva? I don’t remember talking about itchy vulva.
today had been reserved for studying for anthropology tomorrow. and I actually started at 11am rather than pm, because studying is best when done at 20 minutes at a time. so every twenty minutes i’d watch half an hour of movie: Who Framed Roger Rabbit, which I bought yesterday, Sister Act, which I taped last night, and When Harry Met Sally, which was on right after Sister Act so that got accidentally taped too.
lecturer emailed the results for the last anthropology exam today. I wonder how I can still do well on a subject I quite hate?
Leonard rang and said i’m not working this week but to come in on Tuesday ’cause he wants to talk to me. do they do that just to torture you? they must.
you know, I really did go to the theatre. caught the 8pm bus, which had its back window shattered all over the seats.
Saturday lunch with Bronwyn and grocery shopping. except Sarah came and then dragged me all over looking at stuff but my little ponies were included so it’s okay and I bought one. it’s my last one, I swear. I have all the good ones, the rest are all pink and I already have a pink one. new ones, I mean, I may get more old ones… old ones are better anyway.
then she found a friend and left, but then came back and we went to see Freaky Friday. I would have protested stronglier if I didn’t dimly remember liking the original when I was 10 or something. then whilst waiting for the bus, her friend was still with us, another friend came along. and these three terrible girls sat and made snotty remarks about the outfits of the girls on the other side of the depot for a whole hour.
although, the outfits were pretty bad. oh, and “omigod, Lara’s going out with Jake?”
“I should hang out with highschool kids more often,” I said very drily and kicked a plastic 2 litre bottle of diet home brand cola into the street. glad Sanity was across the road, they’ve a “GRUNGE” section. haha.
I did get overheads for my presentation, so I am great and so was it.
I wandered outside and hovered by a group of acquaintances until someone said something I could butt into the conversation with a reply to, but they were talking about that instrument that measures the girth of an erect penis and I didn’t really have much to say on that. one of the girls was Lo, “Georgia’s friend,” who always says hello with my name and we’ve never talked beyond that, another was Kai, the aggressive girl. i did eventually butt in.
there are always group conversations and going for coffee after the lecture, then me, going straight to the bus stop. not that anyone in second year psychology is particularly interesting since Damian dropped out or something ’cause he hasn’t been in ages. and he was the only psychology student doing myth and ritual as an elective too.
you know, if I thought about this for another second i’d drop into a flat little puddle of murky me for the rest of the day. who needs group conversations and coffee after lectures anyway?
i’m very stressy today. i’ve three exams next week and piles of assignments due in two or three weeks. piles! ee. I am folding under second year load. so i’m going to stop procrastinating and catch up. in two or three weeks i’ll be back to normal.
no entrie today. nothing today. in fact it didn’t exist, today.