98th percentile

well! today I spent working on assignment. i’m almost finished my third piece; by the end of the night I will be finished no matter how sleep-longing.

but.. Carrie is on tonight! 1am, don’t let me forget. i’ll tape it. it’s 10:30 now, heaps of time before it starts.

then.. leaving at 9am tomorrow to do shopping, and Sarah’s JCU audition at 1pm.

I forgot to mention that mumm and Trina are friends again. Trina rang two days later as though nothing had happened, and a word hasn’t been said about it since.

I would dearly love to do a visual arts degree. i’ll schedule it for the mid-to-far-future, after my first one is paid and i’m a doctor, of course.

got my STAT results back today: 98th percentile. which means I scored better than 98% who’ve sat the test.

after last night’s tutorial, which was funn, I decided to write to Miranda after all:

Hi [Miranda],

This is in regards to [Michelle]’s request for feedback on [Dionne]’s professionalism in tutorials.

I thought I should say that I have had [Dionne] in two subjects this year and have found her to consistently be a supportive, pleasant, approachable and entirely professional tutor. I was present at the tutorial in question, and consider [Dionne]’s response to the situation entirely appropriate. Any mention of attempted humiliation or disrespect is absurd. I hope that [Dionne] continues to teach next year.

[Michelle] mentioned confidentiality several times, however frankly I don’t care who knows what I think on this matter. 🙂

[i’ve changed names, obviously]

bashful muteness

no class tomorrow! because some leftover people have still to sit the SPSS exxxam (I wish I could’ve taken it after he TOLD US HOW in the lecture yesterday). that means… no class ’til next year!
halloween tomorrow! i’ve been invited to a partie; guess whether or not I will go.

I’ve 4our goldfish: two i’ve had for over a year, and are simply huge; the white one is referred to as “the shark.” then there is a medium-sized prettie and sleek brown one with patterns. and then there is a very small and chubby fantail. the fantail is my favourite, because he’s missing some fins. swimming is much harder for him and he has to really push with his half-fantail. when I feed them I watch avidly, and always cheer on fantail because the other fishes always get to the food before he can.. he always gets less. but today he was awesome and got heaps! yay!

today was Sarah’s presentation night but I couldn’t go ’cause I had class. not that I probably would’ve gone anyway.
that must be bad English.
I helped her pick out a dress though, rather than going to the lecture. she was so worried that someone would show up wearing the same one.

in the tutorial today Dionne asked for feedback, because this was her first time teaching forensics. I said it was great and perfect. someone complained about divided group discussions, that we should discuss as a whole class, which is more structured. Dionne said that didn’t work though because then two or three people do all the talking and everyone else sits in bashful muteness. I told her how in anthropology, at the end of the tute, we go ’round the circle and everyone says something about the topic no matter how trivial, and that it makes people bring up wonderful points they would otherwise keep all for themselves in their bashful muteness.
k so I just like bashful muteness.
she said “but you never speak up in lifespan, why?”
“because i’m not interested in lifespan.”
“oh okay. but if I asked you directly, would you speak up?”
“yes, because it’s less embarrassing to have something to say than to blush and answer ‘dunno,’ even if you just make it up as you go along.”
and she thanked me profusely and said she’d give me HDs. well she didn’t say it, but i’m assuming.

and I had the longest conversation so far with Kai. she told me what they’d been told in the lecture about the exam, which i’d probably have failed without. we talked about whether chocolate is addictive and causes unsightly blemish. and about hairstyles, because mine was falling into my eyes every 5seconds and obviously bothering me.

death and dying

I apologise in advance for everything I will ever do wrong.

I remember why I forgot everything about reading palms. it is terribly down-dragging to read one’s own palm. my fate line is an absolute mess and goes in twenty directions. “time and energy wasted…” on a million careers. everything fraught throughout with stress, worry, difficulty lines. which I already knew.
not so down-dragging: mid-life-line that stress disappears. very late in life there is great happiness in every area. oh, yes, and I am intelligent and creative, but depressed. the one line signifies both things, imagine that.
well. after exams are over I will write everything down.
i’m scheduling everything for after exams.

today: lecture on late adulthood. basically all the ways in which we decline and die. didn’t exactly lift me back up.
the tutorial, on the other palm, was fascinating. while sitting in silence in a circle of ideas I think, “this is a privilege. i’ll look back on this and think, why didn’t I?”
it was on death and dying (death is quick, dying is prolonged) and comparisons between Australia and Nigeria, religion, the law, tradition. some-strange-how it ended up on genetic modification of food and how they needn’t specify it on labels. a girl, a woman, she is wrinkled and dry, whom I quite dislike, so shall call Michelle. she was in my love-presentation group, and was one of the bitchy gossips who made someone cry (the $70 an hour comment). she said to me once “I could’ve hit you!” after i’d mentioned something about skipping a lecture in Miranda (the lecturer)’s hearing range. another time she came into a tutorial late and loudly; in sidling past American John, who was attempting to give a presentation on adolescent suicide, she bumped him with her giant, clumsy bag. I accidentally let out a derisive “ha!” of incredulity. Dionne glanced at me, everyone saw it, and said quite ill-naturedly to Michelle, “do you mind?!” you should’ve seeeen the look on Michelle’s face, the most caustic smile i’ve ever seen.
anyway! I did have a point. they were talking about genetically modified food. Michelle said it was required that they print warnings on labels, Dionne said it wasn’t, because a student of hers had done a thesis on it a year ago, or something. they continuously interrupted and talked over each other, until Dionne said, “excuse me, I was talking then.”
Michelle said, “no, I was talking, you interrupted me.”
Dionne said, “excuse me?!”
Michelle said, “yes, I was talking. you constantly interrupt us, yet get all huffy when we try to add something.”
Dionne said, “I don’t think this is the time for this discussion.”
Michelle said, “well I don’t think you should have your little double standard.”
Dionne got up, said, “would you like to come and sit up here, Michelle?”
Michelle said, “no.” and began quite loudly packing up her notes, muttering audible voodoo curses while everyone tried to ignore her and carry on.
I was captivated. afterwards, as everyone was leaving, Dionne asked Michelle to wait outsiiiide for a word. I lurked about so I could eavesdrop but they went into her office. as I was walking past Michelle, waiting, I said, “scared?”
Michelle said, “nope, no way. she’d like me to think so!” to my walking-away back, and something else, but I was around the corner! she is quite.. scary herself.

oh, and since it was the last day of lifespan, Elsie brought chocolates for everyone! she is my new role model, I just adore her.

coming home, I wish i’d photographed my shadow. it was quite gorgeous, today.
my stupid family is watching a stupid sitcom. ah, how I hate them, I could choke.
yes, the best possible way to end. ha!

what I eat, etc

I think as a result of this blog my livejournal is neglected. plus this was just ‘posed to be a daily, not a thoughtly. I can’t even stick to my own meaningless rules.

so, strictly today: went to coast roast with moth-er, Bronwyn and Nicole, and had one pineapple juice and one diet coke. stole several crumbs from each of their plates and fed the sparrows, despite much raised-voiced-objection projected in my direction, because they are bird-haters. except they are right, because sparrows attract pigeons, and pigeons, according to the Cairns Post, are an increasing problem in outdoor cafes and the council is going to chain a hawk at city place to deter them from mobbing innocent cafe patrons there.

then shopping. I bought, besides groceries, a box of hair dye ($16.95), the collected works of Lewis Carrol ($8) and a palmistry book ($8). i’ve only flipped through it, but it says children lines don’t say how many children you will have, but are children-potential lines and children-empathy lines. and it called marriage lines attachment lines. I have three attachment lines: two little ones and one big one. the big one has two or three children lines and a fork. I don’t know what the fork means yet.

then home. cornchips and apple juice for lunch. i’ve been drinking apple juice every day for about a month and by now am thoroughly sick of it, but they always have only apple and orange, and I can’t drink orange because it is too strong.

then research. I found enough articles for my eating disorder paper. i’ll start writing that after the exam on Monday.

then I walked the dogs. halfway to the beach I walked past a couple with the giant malamute that had followed me home one day. the woman was my year 12 drama teacher, and my sister’s current drama teacher. she patted Chloe and said hi to me; if she recognised me she didn’t let on.

across from the beach is Lunico, a restaurant and bar. as I was walking past I spotted mumm in there with Trina. she was going to leave soon so she drove the dogs and me home. Chloe loves car rides and jumps and twirls all over the back seat, only she was sharing it with Lilah and me, so I got trampled. also, Lilah hates car rides, so was cowering all over me. she, the elephantine thing, may as well have been trying to kill me. next time i’ll walk home.

mumm and daydream went to Trina’s for tea, while Sarah and I stayed home and had tomato soup and turkish bread and watched Monk. but then they came home earlier than usual and crying. well mumm was crying. she’d had a big fight with Trina over.. well. their dadd, Poppa Russell, has a house in Melbourne (“the James Street House”) that we’ve all lived in at some time or other, usually more than once. at one point Trina bought it from him, did heaps of renovations, then ran out of money and had to sell it back. but while she owned it she invited her friend, Jodi, to live there. after she sold it back to Poppa and moved out, Jodi stayed. Poppa moved back in, but into the granny flat out the back that I used to live in. that was years and years ago, and Jodi’s still living there and only paying Poppa $80 a week in rent. mumm said to Trina, tonight, that it is wrong. because Sue, their sister, is in big financial troubles and has four kids and is living in Poppa Russell’s other house, but it is only two bedrooms (the other is five or something, plus the flat). so mumm, and practically everyone else in the family, thinks she should be living in the James St house, because Jodi isn’t family, just Trina’s friend. but if you say that to Trina she explodes into fiery wrath. so she told mumm to leave.

they’ve had similar arguments that have lasted for years. one of them would have prevented Trina inviting us to her wedding if the family hadn’t bitten her head off about it. she is a stubborn lady.

anyway. I am going to email my father to tell him when we’ll be in Melbourne. then I am going to feed the aminals and go to bed, lovely early. no reading!

lol

exam! was easy peasy. two questions; the first was almost exactly the same as one of the practise questions, the second was a repeated measures anova, which is just what I did in my lab report. so i’m expecting 10 HDs in a row.

I finished early so it feels like a Saturday. I took the dogs to the beach and a million photographs. spent two hours braiding my sister’s hair into a hundred little braids for the extravaganza and gave myself sore shoulders. started my assignment, but lost much of it because! there was a power failure. which is very bad when it’s so hot. so I swam. and took Lilah in the pool though i’m not supposed to. a strange, round spider with antlers and yellow spots lives in the poolyard garden. but I can never get a good picture of it.

someone in the neighbourhood is blasting Nirvana so I can’t think.

various current statistics
time: 12:52am
temperature: 26°C/79°F
half-listening to: deltra goodrem, born to try, over neighbourhood blasting and the TV a room or so away, which for some reason is up really loud..
feeling!: simultaneously sleepy and vivacious
$ in my Commonwealth account: AU2,691.11
$ in my American account: US449.58
$ in my 2checkout account: US198.00
new hosting orders this week: 3
people who have visited this site this month: 413
emails received today: 127 (lots of it unsolicited and commercial)
weight: 49kg
nailpolish: rosepetal pink
wearing: black dress. lol
last site I visited: canz.com.au
last food I ate: dimsim
last word/s I spoke: goodnight
last thing I bought: frozen yoghurt. that reminds me, I have frozen yoghurt! better eat it.

everything I touch turns to glass. like i’d like to shoot myself in the face!

ephemeral euphoria

a slightly nagging worry for the past week has been the stats computer test this Friday. so. before the lecture today everyone was standing about gossiping about it, because some people have had it and some, those in my class on Friday, haven’t. oh, the horrendous stories those who had had it told! so I went to a computer lab after the lecture. it was already full of people from my stats class frantically revising. we’d been given two questions to practise on.
and! I got them! even the APA formatted graph. it took about two hours, but I got them. which is superbly, because the exam lasts two hours.

so on the way home I was feeling rather euphoric. wonderful. i’m only ever so happy once every year or something, so I cherished every second. which probably dissipated it quicklier, but I don’t care. i’m still feeling better than usual, now.

I just wrote the past three dailies today. how bad I am. it’s 4:17pm, so if anything happens for the rest of today i’ll come back and add it.

3:21am: I forgot to mention.. the other day I chanced upon the best movie all year. Spirited Away. I just love it and plan to watch it 10billion times before I die tomorrow.

happiness

remember how I mentioned days ago that Sa-bear’s uni auditions were at the same time as our trip to Victoria? well I rescheduled that trip. but she just found out that one of the universities isn’t having regional auditions, which means she has to go to Brisbane for that one. which is slightly ludicrous.

so i’m going down with her. haha. November 22nd, I think, and back on time for my last exam a few days later. and Powderfinger, who, incidentally, won best album. I was half-listening to everyone watching the Arias last night. that is absurd. best album. that’s only the most highly valued award and their utterly lacklustre generic album won it. pew.

overall, how would you rate your level of happiness/satisfaction in/with life? low pitched sounds, alpha waves.

meh

don’t have anything to say today. don’t know how I feel.
I think I don’t contribute anything to the world, and won’t.
but i’ve been reading a fabulous book:

“Oh I wish there were some words in the world that were not the words I always hear!” Snow White exclaimed loudly. We regarded each other sitting around the breakfast table with its big cardboard boxes of “Fear,” “Chix,” and “Rats.” Words in the world that were not the words she always heard? What words could those be? “Fish slime,” Howard said, but he was a visitor, and rather crude too, and we instantly regretted that we had lent him a sleeping bag, and took it away from him, and took away his bowl too, and the Chix that were in it, and the milk on top of the Chix, and his spoon and napkin and chair, and began pelting him with boxes, to indicate that his welcome had been used up. We soon got rid of him. But the problem remained, What words were those? “Now we have been left sucking the mop again,” Kevin said, but Kevin is easily discouraged. “Injunctions!” Bill said, and when he said that we were glad he was still our leader, although some of us had been wondering about him lately. “Murder and create!” Henry said, and that was weak, but we applauded, and Snow White said, “That is one I’ve never heard before ever,” and that gave us courage, and we all began to say things, things that were more or less satisfactory, or at least adequate, to serve the purpose, for the time being. The whole thing was papered over, for the time being, and didn’t break out into the open. If it had broken out into the open, then we would really have been left sucking the mop in a big way, that Monday.”

shopping

hello, today! I didn’t get up ’til 10am! which is great until you take into consideration the time at which bed-going occurred.
Ronnie’s partie wasn’t today, it is tomorrow! silly unremember-able me.

today was grocery shopping day. snow peas, strawberries, celery, apples, carrots, rice cakes. tic tacs, cordial, tomato soup. peanuts, except they mischarged me for cashews, the one week I got peanuts instead of cashews! and they didn’t have plums; this made me very sad.
I also bought moisturiser for the first time ever. mumm’s bowling-friend, Sue, works at Myer, and she told me which one to buy for my normal type skin. $72! but Sue has been frantically moisturising her entire life and still looks 50 at 50.
so i’m afraid of age, and wrinkled, sagging, dry, blotchy, old-bag weatherworn skin.

“I just want to be alone.”
“OK. I’ll come with you.”