death and dying

I apologise in advance for everything I will ever do wrong.

I remember why I forgot everything about reading palms. it is terribly down-dragging to read one’s own palm. my fate line is an absolute mess and goes in twenty directions. “time and energy wasted…” on a million careers. everything fraught throughout with stress, worry, difficulty lines. which I already knew.
not so down-dragging: mid-life-line that stress disappears. very late in life there is great happiness in every area. oh, yes, and I am intelligent and creative, but depressed. the one line signifies both things, imagine that.
well. after exams are over I will write everything down.
i’m scheduling everything for after exams.

today: lecture on late adulthood. basically all the ways in which we decline and die. didn’t exactly lift me back up.
the tutorial, on the other palm, was fascinating. while sitting in silence in a circle of ideas I think, “this is a privilege. i’ll look back on this and think, why didn’t I?”
it was on death and dying (death is quick, dying is prolonged) and comparisons between Australia and Nigeria, religion, the law, tradition. some-strange-how it ended up on genetic modification of food and how they needn’t specify it on labels. a girl, a woman, she is wrinkled and dry, whom I quite dislike, so shall call Michelle. she was in my love-presentation group, and was one of the bitchy gossips who made someone cry (the $70 an hour comment). she said to me once “I could’ve hit you!” after i’d mentioned something about skipping a lecture in Miranda (the lecturer)’s hearing range. another time she came into a tutorial late and loudly; in sidling past American John, who was attempting to give a presentation on adolescent suicide, she bumped him with her giant, clumsy bag. I accidentally let out a derisive “ha!” of incredulity. Dionne glanced at me, everyone saw it, and said quite ill-naturedly to Michelle, “do you mind?!” you should’ve seeeen the look on Michelle’s face, the most caustic smile i’ve ever seen.
anyway! I did have a point. they were talking about genetically modified food. Michelle said it was required that they print warnings on labels, Dionne said it wasn’t, because a student of hers had done a thesis on it a year ago, or something. they continuously interrupted and talked over each other, until Dionne said, “excuse me, I was talking then.”
Michelle said, “no, I was talking, you interrupted me.”
Dionne said, “excuse me?!”
Michelle said, “yes, I was talking. you constantly interrupt us, yet get all huffy when we try to add something.”
Dionne said, “I don’t think this is the time for this discussion.”
Michelle said, “well I don’t think you should have your little double standard.”
Dionne got up, said, “would you like to come and sit up here, Michelle?”
Michelle said, “no.” and began quite loudly packing up her notes, muttering audible voodoo curses while everyone tried to ignore her and carry on.
I was captivated. afterwards, as everyone was leaving, Dionne asked Michelle to wait outsiiiide for a word. I lurked about so I could eavesdrop but they went into her office. as I was walking past Michelle, waiting, I said, “scared?”
Michelle said, “nope, no way. she’d like me to think so!” to my walking-away back, and something else, but I was around the corner! she is quite.. scary herself.

oh, and since it was the last day of lifespan, Elsie brought chocolates for everyone! she is my new role model, I just adore her.

coming home, I wish i’d photographed my shadow. it was quite gorgeous, today.
my stupid family is watching a stupid sitcom. ah, how I hate them, I could choke.
yes, the best possible way to end. ha!