there are so many people

2checkout has been down for three days. their forums are still up, and merchants are howling their frustration there and all over the place, but no one from 2checkout has uttered a peep. if I were worried (which i’m too apathetic to be), i’d be more worried about their silence than the downtime.

I didn’t do anything i’d scheduled for today. lethargic. I slept for about 2 incredibly restless and uncomfortable hours this morning. I think i’m catching something. coming down with something.

so very, very many people are lonely.
it doesn’t make sense.

everything for a while

oo do I ever hate buggs on the screen. I squash them to death with my tongue.

so! this day. out the front of cairns central there was a crowd of people dressed in pink protesting buying for buy nothing day, which apparently today was. I appropriately bought nothing, but my mother spent $500 on a table setting for christmas.

I don’t want to have to think about christmas presents. and it’s Sarah’s birthday in a week.
oh, yes. I am slowly growing to hate her, I think. I wrote out some dramatic thing about it but you need energy to reflect on that kind of stuff and i’ve none now. it’s 5am, that’s what time I woke up this morning!

why were they dressed in pink, of all colours? even the boys were wearing pink skirts and hats.

oh, I saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre. does that count as buying something? buying entertainment. buying a use for time. when miserable, watch a movie or read a book, unless you cry at strange bits of book. I read the same bit today and nearly cried again!

Lila chewed off her collar and lost her registration tag.

pretty sick of the world today. but I wasn’t miserable for long. I was everything for a while. unusual.


Sees herself as a ‘victim’ who has been misled and abused, mistakes this dramatization for reality and tries to convince herself that her failure to achieve standing and recognition is the fault of others.

I mean, what the fuck’s all that about? as IF! *punches at air*

don’t worry, honey.

don’t worry, honey.
don’t worry, honey.
don’t worry, honey.
don’t worry, honey.
don’t worry, honey.
don’t worry, honey.
don’t worry, honey.
don’t worry, honey.
don’t worry, honey.
don’t worry, honey.
don’t worry, honey.
don’t worry, honey.
don’t worry, honey.
don’t worry, honey.
don’t worry, honey.
don’t worry, honey.
don’t worry, honey.


I keep thinking: what if i’ve got the date of this exam wrong and i’ve missed it? but i’ve checked the timetable 12dozen times so know I haven’t missed it. Friday the 28th. and it’s my last one! this time tomorrow I shall be! actually much earlier, because it’s at 8:45am! ee. i’ll have no time to revise in the morning as I usually do.
and I fear I shall fail miserably. experiment design is amazingly complicated.

I muchly dislike the phrase “with flying colours,” as in, “I passed with flying colours.” don’t know why, but it makes me cringe. so does the word got/gotten.


while I was filling page after page today, I was imagining that as paper is created, it dreams and aspires to be written on. and that the more important the writing that is written on it, the more proud the paper is. then I felt sorry because nothing I was writing was very important, so i’d let all those sheets of paper down. then I felt even sorrier for all the sheets of paper that are never written on at all, but are used as packaging or to start fires or something.

while at nanna Trish’s i’d mentioned in passing that I disliked watches with bracelet wristbands, not knowing that that was exactly what she’d bought me for Christmas. sigh sigh sigh.


gosh! I haven’t been in an Internet cafe in ages. not that this is really one. i’m staying in a funny backpacker’s and am actually in the nightclub downstairs, ’cause my room doesn’t have a phone line. everyone around me has an accent. i’ve been wandering around spending too much money and shall soon retire to the common room to spend all night watching TV with stoned backpackers. i’ll write a proper entry when I get home tomorrow.

baggage storage lockers are $6 for 24 hours and $1 every time you open it. a movie is $9.50 for everyone. a train ticket to the airport is $7.50. all the stores close at 5-6 pm despite crowds and crowds of people surging about. the buses here are packed full of people going home from work. packed! I watched them put up a 10storey Christmas tree in the park with about 20 cranes and things. there are 50 malls and 48 cinemas all nextdoor to each other. i’ve 8minutes left.

[added later]
this morning nanna saw me off at the station. she stayed until the train left and was narrowing her eyes at all the men who got into my carriage until she’d mouth at me through the window: “he’s okay,” or “I don’t like him.” she was very sad when I left and I know she’s just worrying her little head off about me.

I went to the pictures, of course. exchanged email addresses with two accented backpackers. how friendly are they. bought cigarettes for a 15 year old and gave money to every charity person that asked. rode the free loop just ’cause it was free. ee.

oh, it was my childhood bestfriend’s birthday today.

postcards yay!

goodness! what a pro-duct-ive day. I:

  1. posted the postcards (I bought 43 stamps, 41 of those international & $1 each! but he only gave me 22, so I had to go back, and the other guy didn’t believe me and thought I was trying to scamm stamps or something).
  2. set up a dialup account on the laptop for Brisbane (my customers would miss me.. loudly).
  3. went to the orthadontist (reacted with horror when she asked if i’d like christmas colour’d bands this time. stuck with skyblue).
  4. backed up most of my sites and files onto 3 700mb CDs (too much stuff. plus I always lose my old CDs. don’t know where they all disappear to.. well. yes, I do. spies steal them, obviously)
  5. stuck carebear stickers all over the place. yay!

still haven’t packed.. leave in the morning. I am nervous about seeing relatives I haven’t seen since .. since. since I was 15 or so.

my nanna mentioned this photo on the phone the other day, so i’m getting it printed for them both. ‘cept I made them look young first. I have the cutest nannas in the world.
I look so different with short hair.


I bought 45 postcards. now to buy the energy needed to write, address and post them.

“out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
and I eat men like air”

the national IQ test was today. I participated. i’m not telling my score, because the test was seriously flawed in several conspicuous ways. plus I don’t believe in IQ. but think the tests are fun. mumm did it as well and we got the exact same number of answers incorrect, though different ones.

I mistakenly bought spearmint tictacs instead of normal tictacs. spearmint tictacs are gross. I have 4 packs of them. goodie.