screamingly bad

ooo! I feel fine when I wake up, positively great all morning, happy, full of productive and tasty juice. I feel fine in the afternoon, normal. then at about 5pm I start to go dowwwn, and feel just awful by midnight, screamingly bad.

so this is the first time i’ve had two entries in one day! although I am doing it early morning, tomorrow. you know if you search for “today” just about every entry comes up. 🙂

st_ranger called one of my lovejourney entries a poem, a while ago. so the other day, when I entried again, I said (tried to say), no! not poems. certainly not. anyway he took that entry (again calling it a poem), and did turn it into a poem.

I went into town to pick up my photos, and I was feeling so very joyous. practically skipping all over the place. I didn’t want to do anything for fear of it disappearing. I scribbled away in a notebook for hours and filled up my camera. after a bit I did feel (only slightly though) less, so went to see Kill Bill. have I mentioned i’m slightly in lust with Gogo Yubari?

anyway by the time I got home I felt same as always, only still more productive than usual. and you know, it’s the next morning, and I only just realised I didn’t eat anything at all yesterday. I drank a bottle of water, a bottle of diet coke, a bottle of pineapple juice, and probably around 6 glasses of cordial. how absurd.

starved for something

an ex-friend just gave a detailed description of how he got beat up so his face broke and now has to have reconstructive surgery if he wants to keep using it. it made me feel sick, I don’t want to know. about people hurting people. it makes me feel sick.

today, i’ll write about today tomorrow. i’m starved for something, I know that much. feeling hopeless, bad, hurt. I think i’m being lied to. I want to.. want to fucking __ I don’t know. hopeless, yes, i’d like to die, tonight; I request the Universe poison me in my sleep, crush, suffocate, implode. drowned in ichor, eaten alive, dissolved, turned to stone/dust, head on a pike, left for nocturnal creatures.

I feel you’re a wall, and I could pound on you but you’d still be a wall. a dull, blank wall. a dumb, white wall.