I am not feeling very confident about my exam tomorrow. studying didn’t commence until this afternoon, and although i’ve memorised 3-4 pages so far, it doesn’t feel like much. it doesn’t feel adequate. I have 2 pages to go, which I will try to finish before I sleep. tomorrow morning I will try to cram more in. but. hmm. it’s because I didn’t do so spectacularly on the midsemester for this subject, only getting a Credit. it’s because this subject barely interests me.

it would be much easier if we didn’t have such a break between end of semester and end of semester exams. one week into the break and I feel my cognitive ability has declined to that of an 8year old. and my experiment design exam isn’t until the 28th! by then I will be an embryo!

I study cross-legged on my bed with a canvas-board across my knees as a desk, using all the ripped out leftover pages of my lecture books. door locked, window shut, air conditioner on, wordless music or dead can dance playing. sugarless gum. an hour-long break every hour.

yesterday I managed to rescue a half-chewed marsupial-mouse from the playfully murderous claws of Lila. I put it in a box for the night, to see if it would survive. today it escaped and Lila ate it. she crunched it between her giant jaws of death while I tried to pry them open. the big stupid dumb thing. she crushed it to death. when I saw its limp wet head poke out of her mouth I knew it was dead, and let her have it. then Sarah kicked her in the abdomen and tied her up. it had been getting better, limping about and eating peanuts; better enough to escape.

I went down to the surgery and picked up my prescription. she didn’t charge me. then I went to the pharmacy around the corner and filled it. $3.75 for a piece of mind.


I think, for a while, I should switch to entrying the next morning. i’m just not .. suitable. by this time of day.

I was supposed to start studying for Friday’s exam, today, and didn’t, and will not, by now. i’m tired, and grounded, I might go lie down. if I fall asleep, well, i’ll be so sorry i’ll be sure never to wake up. i’m sorry anyway.

screamingly bad

ooo! I feel fine when I wake up, positively great all morning, happy, full of productive and tasty juice. I feel fine in the afternoon, normal. then at about 5pm I start to go dowwwn, and feel just awful by midnight, screamingly bad.

so this is the first time i’ve had two entries in one day! although I am doing it early morning, tomorrow. you know if you search for “today” just about every entry comes up. 🙂

st_ranger called one of my lovejourney entries a poem, a while ago. so the other day, when I entried again, I said (tried to say), no! not poems. certainly not. anyway he took that entry (again calling it a poem), and did turn it into a poem.

I went into town to pick up my photos, and I was feeling so very joyous. practically skipping all over the place. I didn’t want to do anything for fear of it disappearing. I scribbled away in a notebook for hours and filled up my camera. after a bit I did feel (only slightly though) less, so went to see Kill Bill. have I mentioned i’m slightly in lust with Gogo Yubari?

anyway by the time I got home I felt same as always, only still more productive than usual. and you know, it’s the next morning, and I only just realised I didn’t eat anything at all yesterday. I drank a bottle of water, a bottle of diet coke, a bottle of pineapple juice, and probably around 6 glasses of cordial. how absurd.

starved for something

an ex-friend just gave a detailed description of how he got beat up so his face broke and now has to have reconstructive surgery if he wants to keep using it. it made me feel sick, I don’t want to know. about people hurting people. it makes me feel sick.

today, i’ll write about today tomorrow. i’m starved for something, I know that much. feeling hopeless, bad, hurt. I think i’m being lied to. I want to.. want to fucking __ I don’t know. hopeless, yes, i’d like to die, tonight; I request the Universe poison me in my sleep, crush, suffocate, implode. drowned in ichor, eaten alive, dissolved, turned to stone/dust, head on a pike, left for nocturnal creatures.

I feel you’re a wall, and I could pound on you but you’d still be a wall. a dull, blank wall. a dumb, white wall.


oh! it was only the 10th today. i’m futurish.
well! I have been very strange! I think tomorrow I really must pick up my prescription, even if only for placebo safeness. I also have to go all the way into town to pick up photos, so shall go to the theatre while i’m there.

but! stop being futurish! ok, today I.. made a new much better, and with no livejournal spying. and a fruit salad. i’m the best fruitsalad maker in the world. except it takes ages and is eaten up quick as a flash by hoards of juicy-fruit-ravenous family members.

oh yes! went and picked up my forensics essay. 82%, only 3% off an HD. and I was so scared after hearing the mean score I frogleaped all the way home. hurrah! except she wrote twice that I need to shorten my sentences. ph!

today I smoked an entire cigarette. tomorrow I shall drink an entire cup of coffee, to see which makes me feel worse. i’m thinking it will be coffee, though I still feel a bit nauseated from the cigarette.

o well

mmm. tired. spent the past three hours working on something I eventually got fed up with and deleted.
fed up! i’m just tired. my eyes feel glued. I didn’t really get fed up, just tired.

can pick up my forensic essay tomorrow after two! she said the mean grade was 65. yipe.
I accidentally kicked my camera across the room.

Lila woke me early, barking at my window, from a dream. I thought, “oh, I must remember it!” and thought about it very hard so as not to forget. i’ve forgotten, obviously.
i’ve never actually heard anybody snore.


completely flat hair. to achieve it I wear a hat for an hour after washing it.
I shouldn’t impulsively spend $200 on furniture i’ve no place for. so didn’t! 5×7 prints cost $5 each, while 4×6 are $1 (matte, white-bordered). a movie is $10 (except for cheap Tuesdays) and so is a my little pony. a happy meal is $3.95. cashews are $17 a kg.

so. so. I went Christmas shopping with mumm. she’s decided to have lunch at her house, rather than Lunico as usual, and dinner at Trina’s. for lunch she needs a new dinner set; square, silver-lined plates and bowls.. but is having trouble finding a long enough table-runner with matching placemats.

I wish I could find my Freshwater photographs. the album has disappeared, obviously stolen by some spy or other.

we went to Palm Cove for dinner, a restaurant with a flute player weaving amongst the tables. Barramundi. they argued a lot while I sank further and further into my chair, until mumm asked me for my opinion. I said, “you are being slightly irrational.”
then when Chris said, “well I didn’t shove it in your mouth” (he gave her raw meat without telling her it was raw meat, and she can’t eat faintly pink steak), I told him to shut up.
she is irrational. but he is so very maddening, half-hearted excuses, and lies all the time, badly.
they started again afterwards, at home. she was crying, and I heard her say, “I’ll get Jess to come and stick up for me.”
ee! went my brain, and I locked my door.

fortune cookies

i’ve a burden to unload: I every now and then buy an entire box of fortune cookies. and eat them all. I love fortune cookies, they are fairy food. I have about 20 fortunes from the past few days and am wondering what suitable creative use to put them to.

hayfever day today. I took a pill and slept; can never do much else. it must be the lack of endep, a side effect is allergy suppression. i’ve called for a prescription, just have to remember to pick it up tomorrow. or sometime.

I loved the way Goren said to little-girl-Sophie: I’m a police-mAn.

you know, I think we’re only six feet apart.