I did say that Roger had been horribly fired, yes? well he’s a helicopter pilot. he got a one time job today with Channel Ten to fly up to some beach or other and hover around so that they could photograph Daniel John’s & Natalie Imbruglia’s wedding. haha. how stupid is that. they wouldn’t’ve been able to see anything ’cause you’re not allowed to fly below 1000 feet at a public gathering.
the things you know when your family’s all pilots.

guess what I got in the mail today! well it probably arrived days ago but i’m slack about checking my pobox. a Christmas card from Pluto! hurrah! I sent her an email a week or so ago but.. I think she didn’t get it. or I used the wrong address. I have another one, somewhere.. so will try that.

well, new year’s eve, of course. everyone went off to their separate celebrations, and I stayed home and watched Amadeus. it should be on my list, if it’s not.

this is just to say


and something else added to my list: MC-EU1 remote cord, around $230. easy peasy. but i’m not buying a single frivolous thing until this time next month, at least. including camera accessories, laptops, books, my little ponies, clothes, etc. I am sworn. I spent close to $1000 this month, not even including Christmas presents. how about that?

20 or so people were stung by jellyfish this past weekend, so all the beaches are closed. not that I would ever swim even out of stinger season, i’m so scared of them. and they’re only thumbnail sized.

I finally grew fed up with x’s continual battery, so banned anonymous comments on my basement. he immediately started sending them through the business website instead, so I banned him from there, too, and from xentrik, just to be safe. i’m sure he’ll find some other way.

half-watching the news, they had the Iran earthquake fatality count, nearing 30,000, just seconds before some grinning, cheering people spraying themselves with champagne. I said some misering rhetorical thing about it and mother got mad, saying something like, “do you know why i’ll still be celebrating the New Year? because I have to. you can’t live life thinking that way,” only it took her 20 hours.

here is perhaps the only likeable magnetic poem in the world, left by William Carlos Williams on the fridge for his wife:

This is Just to Say
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

bugs in eyes

Sunday, for nothing. it has thundered all day. I barely left my room. watched Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.. after watching LOTR, the Hugo Weaving seems so very young, in Priscilla, even though he is not.

i’ve been running out of hard drive every so often, and keep having to delete things. despite having a 30GB drive. so I finally backed up my mp3s (which took 3 700mb CDs), but then realised I wouldn’t be able to delete them, because i’d only be able to listen to one CD at once! so I backed up my movies and episodes of 80s cartoons (which took around 5 CDs) and deleted them. hurrah, spacious.

Ronnie was here all day. her parents came over for a barbie (very drunk already) and took her for a swim. suddenly she started screaming and wouldn’t stop. it was a terrible, shrill, top-of-the-lungs screaming. no one could figure out what was wrong until she looked up and her left eye was black. her eyeball, I mean. she had some giant black thing stuck in her eye, and we couldn’t get it out for hours. she screamed the whole time, the entire town must’ve been tearing their hair out. I felt so sorry for her. especially when they tried to flush it out in the shower and she went completely psych-o.

Trina finally called the doctor, who came around (’cause it was about 7pm by then), but by the time he arrived we noticed it was gone. gosh, it was stressful, though. someone had said, at one point, “it must be a bug that’s flown into her eye. if it is, it’s probably wiggling around, causing all sorts of pain.” ee. that wasn’t a nice thought. wiggling bugs in eyes.

not much

bought 3 books: Angela’s Ashes, While I Live, and Forbidden Love.
Forbidden Love, what a horrid name for a book. i’ve finished While I Live already. there were a few Australian phrases which made me laugh, such as a family of drunks who “can drink less piss for a while.” also learnt how cows are castrated.
well. boy cows. which are too young to be bulls. calves.
steer? no, I looked it up. that’s after they’re castrated. how rude. they have fillies and colts, but calves are just calves.

mother bought a new mobile phone, which is more like a computer, and has internet. $900. i’ve added it to my list.
unless I move. should I move? it seems stupid. I don’t know. I would just like the present to last as short a time as possible.

i’ve an ulcer at the back of my mouth, which hurts terribly when I swallow. so I can’t help swallowing 20 times a minute.


I just ate pavlova. and to think I felt bad about chocolate strawberries, yesterday!
when Ronnie asks for chocolate, she pronounces it cholocolate.

well, boxing day, and to think I bought nothing. i’d thought they’d insisted on leaving excessively early, to get to the movie, but no. we were an hour before it started and there were already 3 layers of frantic crowd. when I came out I imagined the building would collapse from the weight of all the people on the upper level.

it’s just started raining, and I distinctly felt the temperature rise 10 degrees.

I came home and was lying down. I picked up Memoirs of a Geisha.. just to see what it was about, mind you, because I was currently already in the middle of a book and I hate reading two books at once, because I always lose one.
well I read the first page. and couldn’t stop. that was at about 5pm, it’s now around midnight, I just finished it. my eyes are burning.
I hadn’t even noticed everyone had gone to bed. I did stop for dinner..

I wrote a few bits from it in my (new!) notebook. this is the first one:

“his face was very heavily creased, and into each crease he had tucked some worry or other, so that it wasn’t really his own face any longer, but more like a tree that had nests of birds in all the branches.”


most importantly! I just drank coffee and now feel nauseated. so it is definitely bad.
christmas christmas christmas day!

1. Sarah burst into my room at 8am, leaping me frightfully awake. although she says I leap frightfully awake when she but peers in.

2. the unwrapping of many presents. I gave:

  • mumm the book, already mentioned, and Reign of Fire DVD, because she loved it, for some reason.
  • daydream the golf glove, and an abstracty wall-clock.
  • Sarah a personally constructed! body-shop kit, a strawberry poster, a “the dog” giant-headed dog, the gift certificate.
  • Trina and Roger: alcohol.
  • Veronica: Toy Story DVD, a “the dog” giant-headed dog (k I love those).

mumm gave: daydream a hammock and shirts, Sarah a medium to large pile of crap including a discman, me a stereo system.
Sarah gave: mumm and daydream the wine-raque, me a silver bangle and ring.
Trina and Roger gave: mumm the Nickelback CD (ugh), daydream a golf “tip a day” calendar, me Catcher in the Rye and Sarah a shirt.

3. I answered email. ever since that day I said i’d received more emails than usual i’ve been receiving more than usual every day. business emails, I mean. i’d prefer the other kind. and other than spam kind.

4. Barbara arrived. she stepped up to give me a hug, I involuntarily backed away, she stepped up again and hugged me anyway.

5. Trina & co. arrived. so the unwrapping of their presents and presents to them ensued, which they enthusiastically filmed…

6. everyone sat around and drank, I set up the stereo. then lunch, then more drinking.

7. took Ronnie for a swim, though the pool was hot. then everyone went for a swim. then I sunbathed for the first time all year (because I realised such tanlessness doesn’t go well with colour, only black), but it was too hot to for long.

8. then everyone left for siesta, and I went to sleep.

9. mumm woke me up to go to Trina’s for dinner, which was very small, but chocolate dipped strawberries! I ate some. feel guilty. then we watched the video they’d made. then Roger made atrocious coffee with his new coffee-making machine and forced it upon us, which is why I feel ickie.

the day wasn’t as bad as i’d thought. Sarah was fun/funny, there were no arguments, and Ronnie stuck stick-on earrings all over me. I collected the jokes from bonbons; they are all so very bad.

how do you start a bear race?
ready, teddy, go!

i’m glad it’s over. and Meaning of Life is on, hurrah!


research supports the idea that strong relationships boost the immune system, protecting against illness.

Christmas eve, of course, and i’m not feeling .. well. I mean i’m feeling bad.
probably just tired.

spent the day in the city. which was surprisingly bare, even the mall and the esplanade. a decorated fire engine drove around and around playing loud Christmas music and blaring its horn every so often.

who thought of a partridge in a pear tree? why a partridge? why a pear tree? do they like pear trees?
in the Australian version it’s.. a kookaburra in a gum tree, of course.


dear diary,

a cat walked across my keyboard just in time for the title of this post.

all sites with background music should have an option to cease. that music.

today a boy my age was eaten by a crocodile. his friends (mates) looked on (horrified) then scrambled up a nearby tree, where they remained for 22 hours until they were rescued by bellypopper. helicopter.

I went and had my forms signed by a Justice of the Peace, my mother’s seamstress. I stepped in, and she said, “I didn’t know you were Amber’s daughter!”
“um, yep,” I said.
“how’ve you beeeeeeen?”
“um, fine…” I didn’t recognise her, obviously.
“we took a multimedia class together,” she said to Amber.
then she talked for 800 hours about how very hard it was, and how very intelligent I had seemed, in this class.
“oh, well, she taught herself HTML at 14,” said Amber.
gross exaggeration on her part.

then the car wouldn’t start. so I left her to wait for the battery people and went home.
oh, i’d renewed my learner’s permit earlier. not sure why. especially since you have to wait 13 hours to do anything at QLD transport.
waited on the outskirts of Quicksilver while Sarah tried on 50million pairs of bathers. when the girl was ringing up the one she’d chosen, she took my arm and dragged me over to the corner: “doesn’t she look awful?”


these little yellow birds have been hanging around the house for the past two weeks. I noticed today that they’ve started building a nest hanging from the Christmas lights outside.. which are right by the front door. why build a nest right where hoards of people stream past every day?
it means the Christmas lights must now stay there forever. but can never be turned on, because they’re building right around a bulb. i’m sure they don’t want a blue christmas light flashing all night in their little house.

urge to live

mumm’s computer is broken. it’ll only start up in safe mode. if I try normal mode it makes a louder-than-usual grinding noise for about 5 minutes and then just stops, and seems to shut down, only it still sounds on. this is after seeing “found a registry error” and restarting last night, only it never restarted.
at least it isn’t mine. gosh, how panicked would I be. i’d better do a backup.

Sarah got her OP in the mail today. she walked in and wordlessly handed it to me.
she said, “oh well, I can still go to Townsville,” her voice thick with barely-held-in tears. shrugged, half-laughed, and locked herself in her room.
I can’t remember if I mentioned it, but she got caught plagiarising two drama essays. they give a warning after the first one, only she handed in the second one before her teacher had graded the first, thus before she got any warning. so she failed drama, and failing! dramatically impacts your OP!

I failed chemistry, physics and maths B. you don’t even want to know my OP. 🙂
of course I’d ceased attendance after the first semester, so it’s a miracle I passed at all.

she’s coming

very tired.
i’ve been having bad, bad headaches the past three days, so’ve been mostly curled up in the dark concentrating on them.

Trina and co. came over to get drunk tonight, and some explosive argument broke out involving screaming and crying and a shrieking 3 year old. Trina and Sarah, and mumm, defending Sarah. Trina came to see me and explained it all and tried to get me to agree with her, but, of course, I agree with no one.
beforehand, she and mumm had been talking in the kitchen.. I came out of my room and distinctly heard my mother whisper, “shh, she’s coming.”

this morning we went to Smithfield to get my last xmas present. while we were there I cajoled her (mumm) into getting heaps of clothes. because she always wears the same stuff.
she said, “well you always wear the same stuff!”
but I don’t.. all my stuff just looks the same.

except I bought a bright red shirt. I will wear it Christmas day. I haven’t told anyone yet. oh, how shocked they will be.
this sounds flat. it is because I am flat. I have a headache.


shopping today. I bought allll my last xmas gifts except one, which I have to go to Smithfield for.
I spent alarming amounts, and only a small percentage was actually on stuff for anyone else. I just impulsively buy everything I see.

found a shop called “Crackerbox Palace” that is full of furniture and stuff from the 60s. wow. only I didn’t have enough time to buy piles of stuff from there too because I noticed my phone was ringing, only I had sound turned off.
“i’ve been ringing you for half an hour,” ’cause she was supposed to pick me up.

today was the day the year 12s OPs were published online. at 9am, before I left, Sarah was reloading & reloading the website, which every other year12 in the state was also reloading.
so I had to leave without knowing. she said she’d SMS me when she found out.
when my phone beeped I scrabbled wildly for it! and!
she couldn’t find out because she hadn’t changed her PIN from the default. so has to wait for the letter in the mail to come to find out.
she has to get a 13 to get into Griffith, they said she’s already accepted based on her audition, so. she’d better get at least 13.

went to Trina’s for tea. Roger had been fired, so it was all gloomy.
plus they served food with cheese on it. lots and lots of cheese.


think how happier I would be away from here. but there is always something to make you unhappy.

I was answering email when I started getting some messages from x, same tone as the past couple days. hateful, (attempting to be) hurtful, angry, snide, senseless. he’d been ignoring requests for his address, so i’d looked it up (secret internet-spy methods).
he said “no, that’s not right, i’ve moved recently.”

so. I called the number i’d found with it. he answered.
“I guess I had the right address after all,” I said.
I laughed.
“what do you want?”
“I want your address.”
“what for?”
“to serve you divorce papers.”
he said something stupid, about me sending money for him to file, or something. “i’m not paying; you ripped me off.”
I said, “i’m going to send you a form. you just need to sign it and send it back.”
can’t remember what he said, but I remember thinking how very unintelligent he was being. “yes, that’s what I need your address for,” laden with .. something.
“you have the right address.”
he gave the state and zipcode, which I already knew.
I said “thank you,” and hung up.

I think he was shocked to .. have me call him. it’s the first time I ever have. it’s probably the first time i’ve called anyone for about a year. i’m terribly frightened of the phone. but I wasn’t. I didn’t get nervous, and didn’t stress about it for half an hour prior to calling. I found the number, thought “alright, i’m calling it, right now,” and did.
I think it’s because I knew I could be mean, if I wanted to. I didn’t have to be nice or polite or rehearse greetings. I didn’t have to make conversation or explain anything or answer any questions.
and, of course, I am invulnerable. there isn’t a single thing he could say that would affect me in the slightest. it’s remarkable. it’s fascinating. I wish I was that way with everyone. if I was I think I would quickly rise to the position of world dictator.

the most important thing is that I haven’t thought much about it at all today until now. i’ve been working, I cleaned, I wrote, I read, I had lunch, I went to the store, I took photos, I played with Lila.

and I love my 3 year old cousin. I am sometimes overwhelmed with the longing to kidnap her, buy her a million toys and feed her nothing but yoghurt and cheese and watch Bob the Builder all day long. her laugh is the most joyful thing I have ever heard, it comes from somewhere very deep inside her and vibrates for miles.


the guy who killed those two girls got life in prrrison. his mother said she wishes they’d given him the death penalty, even though there is no death penalty. guess his defense didn’t flie, what a surprise.

coming back from the post office, I noticed hundreds .. well not hundreds. decades. decades of teenie tiny birds all having a splashy bath in a little puddle. it was so cute.

I love the dancing tastebugs in the Just Right commercial.
yes, I mean tastebuds.