misery! malady. melancholy. desolation, despair, despondency, distress, disquietude. anguish, grief, sorrow, woe. solicitude.
lurking, languishing, seething with glistening eyes, listening.
urgency. inadequacy. impotence.
I GROW BY THE second. it’s ok, every second of now leads to the future.

I can’t talk about how I feel because i’m really lousy at describing it. it doesn’t seem to fit all those commonly used descriptions. it’s like anxious, nervous, insecure, excited, annoyed, uncomfortable, angry, disappointed, grateful, embarrassed, mischievous, envious, surprised, confused, frustrated, intimidated and relieved don’t really fit the things I feel, I just have to guess at what’s closest. but sometimes it’s nothing like any of those, and i’ve really no idea what it is, other than whether it’s good or bad.
that’s how i’ve been feeling lately. like I don’t know how, only that it’s bad.

so despite my pill, no sleep spied as yet. I think this is my new record, because i’ve lost count. I feel desperately like twirling, but begin to tremble after three measly steps! an ice age is coming. i’ve been singing. I scowled at a driver for pausing to let me cross the road.. crossed my arms and refused to budge.

Saturday = Bronwyn and mumm for coffee day.
Bronwyn is a remarkable lady. when I first met her I thought she was .. coarse. but she is just very honest.
I genuinely like her.
she said today that I am a lot nicer than I used to be.
..that’s not why I like her.

things I have to do this week:

  • make a doctor’s appointment for prescription type stuff.
  • burn my CDs for mumm.
  • call the ANZ to reset my forgotten password.
  • call Sally and ask her for Malcolm’s number.
  • call Malcolm and ask if I can use him as a reference.
  • finish the business website changes.. FAQ, mirror site, nameserver tutorials? if I leave it till after i’ll never get it done.
  • unenroll from JCU! imagine two HECS debts, you procrastinating thing.
  • inform centrelink of my change of address.
  • get mumm’s name put on my po box.
  • stop my recurring board payments to her! gosh, hadn’t thought of that.
  • um.. pack.

probable that i’ve forgotten a dozen things.