hello, hello, hello, dailie. i’m

hello, hello, hello, dailie. i’m on the Goldcoast again. I spend more time here than in my house! well it’s because Sue’s coming tomorrow, from Melbourne, with Sharnee and Missy, yay! and then i’m coming next weekend as well, to see them again, although i’d planned to Not, ’cause i’m going to Cairns on Monday. there’s also the wedding to finish planning.. and Dreamworld. and it’s Easter..

today is Palm Sunday. went to mass.. the man who helps organise it, but not the priest, who had asked nanna last week if I was a model because gee does my beauty ever blindingly radiate, asked me to carry the offering up to the altar. I nearly choked. I couldn’t in a bazillion years say no. but I felt such an imposter.

then.. I don’t like to take communion, because Catholics feel very strongly about non-Catholics taking communion. and I was raised.. I mean, I was taught all the important stuff. so i’m technically worthy. but not really, and i’ve only just started turning up three weeks ago or something, and .. well I wear all black, and had about 42586 rings on and crazy nailpolish and weird hair ..
anyway the father looked me in the eyes, as I said Amen .. and it was strange. especially after giving him the offering. and, anyway, when I knelt, right after.. the Host still stuck to the roof of my mouth, I began to cry. not howling or sobbing or anything, but there were a couple of tears.. and I don’t really know why.

so, now’s the question. did I just make that up?

Wayne is in a shit tonight because he was alone all day, so he stayed in his room, came out for dinner but didn’t say a word, then went back to his room, and hasn’t come out since. he is so dependent on Trish, and so demanding.. and today she told me all these things i’d had no idea of, like how he is violent and cruel sometimes, when he’s been drinking, and how she left for a while a few months ago until he cried, begging her back. I don’t want to know these things about my grandparents. I don’t want them talking to me as though I were an adult! she had no idea I was so shocked ..
I don’t know how she survives, with all these people around her, pulling her in different directions and treating her so badly besides. how how how is she so patient and forgiving and loving?

well. they’re all in bed, so. i’ll go, too.