I am very very very

I am very very very very very very down. well, no, you could remove all those verys, ’cause if I were that down I wouldn’t’ve said that at all. bah! but I am down. the reason i’m not so Very down is ’cause i’m down for a reason rather than none. reasons, I mean.. many of them. and I can’t! talk about the reasons. damn it. I mean I could, there’s no reason to not. I just can’t.
I need to cry, yes. if I would i’d feel much better. and quit everything and move back home and not do anything ever again ever.
oh.. I can’t be down because i’m at my grandparents’ place. gosh. how worse I would feel if they knew I felt bad.

and i’m finding it difficult to gain weight when the very THOUGHT of FOOD makes me VOMIT. but I drank about 80 coffees today, with SUGAR.
you know, I hate this type of down. it is accompanied by anger, and the desire to harm others rather than myself. i’m thankful it is very rare.

oh, yes, my legs have been killing me all day. for no reason! I can barely walk.. and not at all without the most unbecoming grimaces and groanings, even if they’re only inside. I do have a bruise on one thigh that I don’t know the origin of.. but I doubt that’s related. both legs! why! I didn’t do anything unusual yesterday, but it feels like they’ve been horribly abused. my poor legs.

oh, yes, X2, the wedding was today, which is why i’m here. it was just fine.