moving! again.

i’m not outwardly self-depreciating, I just said to someone.

so! now i’m at Trina’s. i’ve been working on brochures for her.. all day. we sat up all night talking about it, last night.. and i’m really not interested. but she gave me a television. ahhh. yes. i’m down. misery is mine. it is a pet with grey fur and sagging eyelids.

it’s change. and moving. i’ve a new apartment, of course.. I move in Tuesday. oh, yes, I won a scholarship. i’d planned to move anyway. ..mmm. it’s $4000 per year for 4 years. so. today Roger went to garage sales and bought a refrigerator and washing machine for me. Trina gave me a TV, cutlery.. some other kitchen stuff. nanna Cutts yesterday gave me .. miscellaneous.

tomorrow I need to get.. a bed, desk..
I have to catch two buses to get to uni. but at least my address won’t be Klumpp road. my lease there runs out in a month.. so for a month i’m paying rent for two places !! gosh. disorganised is mine, it’s a hat with a wilting flower in the band.

i’m tired.. so..

at nanna Trish’s

i’m at nanna Trish’s. she’d been very ill, she fell ill the day I left for Cairns. she forgot who she was for a while, apparently. she’s better, now, not entirely.. but better. she looks older, thinner, and today she noticed new wrinkles. I sat across from her and stared, thinking she could be dead.

on the flight down the sun was rising, and I above the clouds stared out the window the whole time. it was very pretty. I had a bit of hayfever so pulled out a tissue. well, since all these bright rising sunrays were blaring in through the window, tiny tissue dusts flew everywhere. I used to call them spectacles, which I guess is a mix between speck and particle. anyway, mumm, having just read Michael Crichton’s Prey, yelled “I’m breathing little nanobots!” and clamped her hands over her mouth.
now I know where I get it from.
so I closed the window cover and they disappeared along with the blaring rays.

I miss Buddha.

latent

I would like to combine Satanism and Buddhism.

Freudian Inventory Results
Genital: (76%) you appear to have a progressive and constructive
outlook on life.
Latency: (86%) you may be using learning as an escape from living.
Phallic: (50%) you appear to have a good balance of sexual
awareness and sexual composure.
Anal: (10%) you appear to be overly lacking in self control and
organization, and have a compulsive need to defy authority.
Oral: (50%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and
interdependence.
Take a Freudian Inventory Test

based, of course, on his psychosexual stages of devilopment. entirely dumb. but gosh, I love Freud.

Buddha, in one of his wild moods, totally unravelled my half-knitted hat.

my mumm is exhibiting symptoms of depression. I know she’s suffering terrible apprehension over quitting her job. and guilt over wanting to return to uni; not wanting to be Supported by her husband ..
she is coming to Brisbane with me on Tuesday to help me move.
then.. classes start on the 26th.

Sarah wants me to visit her in America at Christmas as otherwise she’ll be alone. afterwards I read her 2yearold diary and in it she called me her best friend ’cause I helped her with an assignment so now I feel obliged.
although she did mention I was fucked up.

note to the world: don’t leave me with your diary. i’ve no respect for your privacy.

jessica meek

found out today that if you die before paying back your HECS debt .. your children must pay it!

on the way back from ..somewhere, I had mumm pull over so I could photograph something.
she protested: “but people driving past will look at you and wonder what you’re doing,” and wouldn’t get out of the car.

tonight I taught her to knit. all I had was left over several types of black yarn, so she’s knitting a several-types-of-black-yarn scarf.
I do have other colours. but they’re planned for something.

mm.
i’ve spent close to $1000 since holidays started.
every day I think k, going to be frugal now, ’cause my horoscope said to be. but then I go and buy a $50 Dark Crystal book or $70 mannequin or $75 bottle of absinthe or $80 CD burner or a pile of skirts or acrylics or elephant statues or peacock feathers. it’s a problem.

I dislike Blanch as a name ersatz, now, and have decided on Faire.
if I were to change my first name it’d be to Io.
ail, dire, wan, raze.. it must be wrong to WANT.
ah   hhhh. just be quiet, and agreeable. MEEK. Io Meek.

ponderous

just got my results for the past semester:

Biological Psychology: Distinction
Cognition, Memory and Learning: High Distinction
Social Psychology: Credit

i’ve never actually gotten an HD before.. for a whole course. only for papers and stuff. course grades usually average out to a Distinction at most.
I don’t know why I only got a Credit for social psych.. I never got my essay back, so never found out what i’d done wrong. but I still got better than the mean, even for that.

hum.

when walking home tonight streetlights gave me six shadows.

  1. “I’m staying,” I replied calmly, and sat down on a curb, in the midst of my ponderous trinkets.
  2. He who says A must say B too; and he who consents the first time must also the second.

by myself

there is a circus in town that I simply must attend. but dear oh dear, I do everything by myself ..

k! mumm has applied to JCU, for a bachelor of arts. which I think is just grand. although she’s started twice before, at least.. and! I would like her to move to Brisbane …
only three weeks till I have to go back. I don’t want to.. but only because .. well. I do like it down there. I just dislike my living arrangements. ah.. hhh. well. I plan to move. right away.

got my braces off yesterday. oh yes! my braces are off. my teeth seem huge and glowing. i’ve retainers to wear, which lend me a slight speech impediment that I find adorable, even in myself. i’d been worrying about drinking so much coffee, ’cause you’re not supposed to, with braces, it stains around them and they leave whiter marks when they come off.. but i’ve no marks. I do, however, have an overbite I never had before.
and my hair cut. I don’t like it, it gets in my eyes.. but I like the colour, it’s faded to a brown. i’m still going to dye it.. maybe blue.
I made banana raspberrie smoothies, today ..hey look! I didn’t even consciously ie that. and margaritas.. i’ve had three or so, just now. big ones.   ^_^

what else. daydream is suing that new mall for using his logo, Sarah is absolutely miserable in America, I today out of boredom filled in a name change form and have half decided to submit it; Blanch as a last name, what do you think? it costs $41 but i’ve my stalker x as a good reason. i’ve suddenly, just today, received lots of emails from him again. he sends me pictures of himself? like I might *realise what i’ve *given up and *regret it?
* = yeah right.

Charmed is on right now. words cannot express the contempt I hold for that show. oh, I saw Georgia’s dad in Woolworths, smiling, “hello! you’re Georgia’s friend, aren’t you!” after not seeing him for 7 years or so. but he wouldn’t let me say a word for talking about her in Berlin.

I ceased taking the pill three months ago, about, and haven’t had a period since. which means when I do get it.. it’ll be horrid.

lastly, I think, i’ve had a cold, or something. I wonder if I am sick more .. it’s much warmer here, of course.. the show is on July 21-23, classes start on the 26th! ah, gosh, I wish I could live in a room and have no contact with outside at all. i’m just so stupid and hatey.