does everyone think themselves more complicated? I think i’m complicated. do you think you’re complicated?

I think I rarely see anything I look at any more.
it’s so quiet.
I used to take for granted that being loved helps people to love .. but.. I love far less than, and am loved far more than…
well, I could count the people on one finger,
it makes me a bit miserable. my family is so attached, and I am so sick, guilty.

ah.. ah so. i’ve been busy, and am not half done.
part of moving involves arranging not only furniture, but a million statues, figurines, toys.. gemstones, candles, musicboxes, photographs and posters and scarves and bells hanging from the ceiling. a dragon’s den of junk. there are my little ponies simply everywhere, i’d no idea i’d accumulated so many.. it’s frightening! i’m not obsessive, it’s just.. I have to buy things when I see them. I haven’t enough surfaces for all these pointless possessions.
there is one brass buddha beside the monitor, my favourite because he’s particularly frightening.. his million tooth’d grin; his completely relaxed, wide open pose; his wrinkles; heavy jewelry; snake fingers..

I haven’t enough powerpoints, and am afraid to add any more double/panel adapters.. it’s dangerous, isn’t it? with sparks and burning.

it took me half a day to assemble the desk. the bedroom light socket keeps throwing bulbs at my head, the built-ins! dear God, they expect me to put my clothes in that dusty, mouldy, rotting construction?! so currently they’re strewn all over the floor till I decide what to do with them. I need another PO box, since i’ve no mailbox..

a girl emailed me asking to switch tutorial times for my stats course. that’s never happened before! she must’ve picked my name at random from the tutorial list. what was so special about my name, that she thought i’d be kind enough to hand over my hard-won tutorial allocation? very suspicious, in deed.
I was, of course, kind enough; but only because it was beneficial to myself.

Trish sent me an email.. I can’t remember if I mentioned it previously, but she’s asked me to do her a painting. i’d already started the mannequin, so hadn’t thought about it much.. couldn’t possibly have two projects at once. then, today, I wrote some crap about angels, or something.. and around 10 seconds after i’d gotten distracted and started something else I received an email from her:

I hope you do not mind me saying this
But I was wondering if you had started the painting…no….
well if not how would you feel about painting your interpretations of angels ..floating or what ever
I would like it to be how you perceive this..

very suspicious #2!
but i’m glad, because now i’ve a very clear concept.
she also mentioned that she’d been ringing my phones which I never answer. haha! phones which I never answer. that made me smile. actually my landline is permanently internet engaged, my mobile always flat-batteried.

mmm.. i’m in the middle of solving a problem for a customer, but emailing back and forth is taking a while.. and i’m tired, and must rise early. but couldn’t possibly leave it till morning. I just noticed i’m bleeding for no apparent reason!
well, i’ll set my alarm for an hour from now.

since coming back down from humid Cairns, my lips have been so dry.. it’s driving me to distraction. I apply balm every hour.. in vain, in vain!