just whinging

well my skin is several shades darker. as payment i’ve been headachie and sick all afternoon and didn’t do any of the million things I was ‘posed to. &now am going straight to air-conditioned bedd, slather’d with aloe vera &sedatives; cats locked fiercely out, phone turned unforgivingly off.

inspired

that yesterday-mentioned notebook? bought it today, yay! also decided what to do after I finished studying psychology. well unless I keep studying it. but anyway, what? ohyeah, mumm read my cards but I can’t remember anything she said ‘cept that I limit myself. &! yeah to let go of the past or something. ph. 😛

well. I need to make an appointment at reds to do something entirely shocking to my hair; may dye it either pink or blue before then. or both! oo. oh yea, what i’ll do after psychology! well i’d have to put together a portfolio, but I so want to be a professional artist today. i’ll apply at the conservatorium of art. I just feel very inspired. and want to do that celebrancy course. I mean, come on. who wouldn’t want me to marry them? 😉

well i’m so sleepie.. I got sick last night & fell asleep before my head touched the pillow like I was a storybook girl. but then woke an hour later & culdn’t sleep so pretended to be an easter bunny & bounced all over the house all night. so. good-easter-night.

updates

4:41pm: aw! bugger! Magic Dirt tour: i’m in Cairns for the Brisbane show & in Brisbane for the Cairns show! the universe is a bastard.

5:12pm: i’d kinda like to move, &’m looking for rents. West End, I think, but I bet I won’t ’cause i’m lazy. oh my lease must expire soon ..

7:48pm: hey yay! I can apply to change my name online! i’ma doit right now!

8:12pm: I can’t pick a name.

8:36pm: I looked it up. my name does mean roofer. yay.

9:07pm: k, I gave up trying to think of a name. ’cause if I kept thinking i’d never change it. well i’ve been thinking for like 42584575 years! so I just changed it, but i’m not telling what to. 😀

I painted today! and did do laundry and homework. yay me I love me i’m great yay.

unsad, unsaid

watched an Aboriginal creation story on World Tales in which an eagle created man from mud and breathed air and fire into him and a bat created woman from mud and embraced life into her.

whilst watching this and about 459863 other cartoons I realised I should’ve gone to class today.

life is back to normal. dull and empty but unsad.
I will open my mouth for excellent things.

better than

it’s mornings, lying abed waiting to fully awake, that’re the worst.. it’s the only time I think. going to sleep is no problem, I ensure i’m so tired by then it takes no time at all.

actually I wrote that last night. today I felt myself again, even lying abed amorning. ’cause I didn’t. I got up and cleaned for the first time all week. gosh! was it bad. the whole unit littered with clothes & litter shed whilst walking about, unable to even put them in their respective bins.
I doubt i’m making sense. i’m pretty tired.
and booked a flight to Cairns on the 25th.
and got my period.

i’m filled with pleasant warmth; it’s looking ahead, rather than back.

:(

there are so many things I could apologise for.
the last day I drank far too much.. I should’ve realised I wouldn’t just stay drunk forever.
the times I was sad.. why on earth was I sad?
every time I said “no.” or something insensitive. or didn’t say what I was thinking. that’s the worst.. there’s much more I didn’t say.

I noticed yesterday, in the bathroom at uni, what horrid circles I had under my eyes. then last night I slept.
upon waking I felt okay, and thought today could be better. I couldn’t imagine feeling so low as the past two. now I realise it was just that I hadn’t yet had much of a chance to think. a half hour later I was already ..

life was just suppose to go back to the way it was before.