ee! I love my mumm to several deaths & am very glad she won’t be spending Easter alone. but I hate it up here & wanna go home home home. it feels Cairns shouldn’t exist anymore but in my memory, so when i’m here I feel.. like I did back then. like i’m back then. lost & helpless & miserable & crazy.
so i’m trying to fill up my every second making things & reading & spending heaps of money. presently i’m Very close to buying a $2300 notebook, since Bronwyn still has my laptop despite having quit uni.. I should see her while i’m up here, & my highschool friends, though I ignore them so often they probably hate me by now..
dreamt: Buddha’s face was ripped to bleeding shredds, so I sewed it up with silver thread and stuck a daisy in his eyesocket.
2:20am: I think I am very easily influenced! and only just noticed it today! is it a character flaw? I tend to adopt the opinions and ideals and temperaments and hopes and idiosyncrasies of those who remain around me for long periods of time. not entirely or blatantly, which is why i’ve never noticed it, but to varying degrees and somehow working it into my own.. personality. it’s like I absorb those close to me.