better than

it’s mornings, lying abed waiting to fully awake, that’re the worst.. it’s the only time I think. going to sleep is no problem, I ensure i’m so tired by then it takes no time at all.

actually I wrote that last night. today I felt myself again, even lying abed amorning. ’cause I didn’t. I got up and cleaned for the first time all week. gosh! was it bad. the whole unit littered with clothes & litter shed whilst walking about, unable to even put them in their respective bins.
I doubt i’m making sense. i’m pretty tired.
and booked a flight to Cairns on the 25th.
and got my period.

i’m filled with pleasant warmth; it’s looking ahead, rather than back.


there are so many things I could apologise for.
the last day I drank far too much.. I should’ve realised I wouldn’t just stay drunk forever.
the times I was sad.. why on earth was I sad?
every time I said “no.” or something insensitive. or didn’t say what I was thinking. that’s the worst.. there’s much more I didn’t say.

I noticed yesterday, in the bathroom at uni, what horrid circles I had under my eyes. then last night I slept.
upon waking I felt okay, and thought today could be better. I couldn’t imagine feeling so low as the past two. now I realise it was just that I hadn’t yet had much of a chance to think. a half hour later I was already ..

life was just suppose to go back to the way it was before.

oh no

entries from November 17 to December 26 were lost.
i’m planning on rebuilding the site .. eventually. well, classes start in less than a week..