Month: September 2010

bathhouse

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Storm had found a traditional Korean bathhouse in Brisbane; the closest thing around to what we experienced in Japan. of course nothing here could compare to that, it was just absolutely amazing, but finding anything remotely similar in brisbane was pretty exciting. So she came & picked me up from work to go straight there.

And it is within walking distance from work! For $19 you can spend as long there as you like. They have the sit down showers I loved so much, two spas, hot and cold, and a sauna. The atmosphere was sorely lacking, but it was great fun. Swimwear was permitted but most people were nude.

Storm asked me if we hadn’t been to the one in Japan would I have felt as comfortable going nude. I think I would, because I tend to be pretty comfortable with nudity and my body. Actually I think I made a comment in a recent post about the absurdity of nude-shyness.. so nevermind. Gosh it’s only been like a week and I’m repeating myself already!

She also convinced me to start saving for our trip to Asia (namely India and Tibet), and recommended weekly grocery shopping as a way of doing so. She was pretty appalled when I told her how often we eat out (every meal) and how much it costs to live that way per week. Something like:

Weeknights
$24: $6 average per workday for lunches
$50: $15-$20 3 nights for takeaway dinner (leftovers the other 2 nights)

Weekends
$30: two breakfasts
$20: two lunches
$60: two dinners

Total
$184 per week

This is pretty conservative. And it doesn’t include alcohol. Or chocolate.

So I was feeling inspired, and thought I’d make a meal plan for a whole week, write a list of all the ingredients I’d need for that plan… and.. ah hell I’m not even going to get that far, am I. Is that really what people do? ugh BORING.

magic

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had two new clients today, neither of whom showed. wore the prettiest outfit but split my shirt when I reached up a bookshelf. oop.

I read two essays by Isaac Asmiov – one expanding on the quote that “any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic” to say that any magic explored in fiction may one day be achievable through technology; and the other on how, in fantasy and mythology, physical strength is often associated with good while intelligence = evil. gosh, I adore him, he writes such easily readable.

I called the board today. i’d decided that if they said the new workplace was suitable, i’d take the job. otherwise, well, the decision was made for me. but was it that simple? no. instead of simply answering me they said I need to submit it all in writing and wait two+ weeks for their answer.
eee! I just want it to be overrrrrr!
but i’m not so tortured over it as I was. whatever happens will be good.

Jason picked me upp from worque and we went to his mother’s where his brother-in-law made us homemade pasta and I drank 2.5 glasses wine. I quite adore his family. they are very sweet and idiosyncratic. purelie lovelie.

just work

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well I raced into work to have a meeting with my manager and tell him i’d been offered another job. he was very logical about the thing and tried to help me decide, but was obviously biased and (not so) subtly trying to convince me I should stay (but not giving me a raise.. although he did say i’d possibly earn one by next year). after the meeting I paced and chewed and moaned and agonised until.. until..

it’s so funnie.

I called the HR girl at new-job ready to say I wasn’t going to take it. I had it all planned. I started out by outlining my reasons… but before I could even finish she swept me away with protests and solutions and promises they could make it work.. and by the end of the phone call i’d practically accepted! I was feeling so positive and hopeful and flattered and excited. gosh, i’m so susceptible!

however I had to call the supervisory panel to see if they’d approve the workplace. only they were busy so now i’ve to call them tomorrow. argh this is a neverending debacle!

worked till 8pm and came home to fall into bed.

motivational interview

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had a really lazy day. i’d planned to go into work and give notice so that when the new job people called me for a start date i’d have one and it would be all neatly sorted. but no.. of course not. me, do things to plan? imporrible.

instead I watched several episodes of Serial Experiments Lain and The Clan of the Cave Bear movie (which was pretty terrible). I sorted a bunch of my music and downloaded some more. I ironed some clothes. when new job HR called I didn’t answer.

Storm came over after Jason got home and we watched some Firefly and ate chocolate. after Jason went to bed Storm & I chatted a while about family relationships (mostly hers). she said “I feel a bit like i’m oversharing..”
I said, “it’s impossible to overshare with me!”
it got me wondering how many Australians have healthy, good relationships with their fathers. I can’t think of many people who do. I want to survey everyone I know, now.

also, today, as I was thinking about my old job, I realised it suits my situation better in lots of ways. and I decided I didn’t want to leave. argh! i’d spent all weekend decided I was going to leave; yes I was hesitant about it but knew it was best. then all of a sudden I 180d.

so I did some decision making activities.

Staying at my current job

Pros Cons
  1. Working with a team I know, like and am comfortable with.. including specific people I really like.
  2. Receiving individual and group supervision (necessary).
  3. Receiving ongoing professional development.
  4. About to begin working at a new service I am really excited about.
  5. A huge variety of clients, issues and modes of delivery (F2F, online).
  6. 4 days per week, flexibility, can leave any time.
  7. Can meet more of my practice competencies.
  1. Pay is kinda crap.
  2. My manager is a bit of a dick.
  3. The temporary phone work is absolutely awful, albeit temporary.

Moving to the new job

Pros Cons
  1. Pay is better (a bit).
  2. Good location – walking distance.
  3. Change of scenery is exciting!
  4. I get to do group therapy!
  5. Working with youth will be fun.
  6. The organisation is awesome and has a really great philosophy.
  7. I will still get to do online work, and help to develop that service.. again.
  1. No supervision at all. A pretty big issue as it’s necessary for my internship.
  2. No ongoing professional development (although possibly external training if I apply for it?)
  3. No other mental health workers to talk to or work with.
  4. No variety of clients or issues. One client group, one issue.
  5. Less face to face work.
  6. Full time, inflexible, three year contract.
  7. Change is hard and inconveniencing.

In summary i’ve no idea what i’m doing. I feel lost and quite stressed. it would’ve been so easier if I just hadn’t got it!

wasted

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wasted time. cleaned up the house a bit. watched some stuff.

Storm was scheduled to come around with some of her guppies for my big aquarium, so I cleaned it a bit. except as I was cleaning the filter I accidentally poured a bunch of its algae infested goowater into the main tank and totally filthed it up worse than it had been. IDIOT!

…I never finished this entry and now can’t recall what happened. ohwell.

unmet potential

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i’d planned to have a quiet night last night as I had my last psychometric testing class at 9am today. well. we all know how that turned out. it wasn’t so bad though. I actually left Vicki & Chelle’s at only 8pm, then fell asleep within the hour. I woke up at 2am, wide awake (and still drunk), so got up and .. may have played robot unicorn attack for two hours before going back to bed for another couple hours. so at least got adequate sleepz.

had chili con carne for breakfast at Circque on the way. then.. there was just me and one other girl in this class today, learning to score the PAI. my supervisor was there and told me she’d given me a glowing reference yesterday, to which I replied, “you must have, cause I got the job.” gosh, she was more excited than I am.

have spent the rest of the day watching True Blood, Serial Experiments Lain and My Neighbour Totoro. watching is about all i’ve been capable of. Storm suggested hanging out, and Jason mentioned wanting to visit Chelle & Vicki several times.. but..

i’d like a holiday. a week of not leaving the house. sitting in dark empty rooms, unkempt hair, roaming eyes, etc.

oh, I spotted three small holes in three leaves of my sunflowers today! something is eating my precious seedlings! 😡

robot unicorn

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I play Robot Unicorn Attack about five times a day. I can’t stop. I want to buy an iphone just for the iphone version. gosh gosh gosh! this is bad. i’m not even joking.

well, today was a training day in the city. Brenton came round in the morning and we caught the bus in. just as we arrived my phone rang, and it was HR of the job I interviewed for letting me know they wanted to check my references. I called my old Team Leader to let her know.. she is manager now. it was funny to talk to her & hear how samey & yet how different everything is. old lives are past lives.

well they called me back that afternoon and gave me this big breezy spiel about how impressed they all were with my answers and the therapy group plan they’d asked me to prepare, and thanked me for coming in around work, etc, etc. I was waiting for the let down, it was so wordy. but then.. she offered me the job. eeeeeee!

on one hand I knew all along it was a good job for me and thought I did well and that i’d had good chances. on the other.. I can’t believe I was the best candidate they had. I mean really. i’m not even fully registered yet. and do you know, she said, “it was actually a really easy decision to make.” so, you know, my big head is further embiggened, anyway.

&yet, i’ve such enormous ambivalence. I need to do up some pros and cons of taking it and not. I need clarity.

training was okay, better than yesterday. I tried not to be too bitter feminist (it was aimed at improving services for men) and mostly succeeded… except when the trainer was telling us an anecdote to explore male anger: he came home from work one day and his wife, who had been working from home, did not have dinner ready yet. instead of getting pissed off, he said “that’s okay,” and just calmly made himself some eggs. because he’s the progressive type, you see, and doesn’t take it as a personal insult that his wife doesn’t show him she cares by having his dinner ready.. whereas a lot of blokes obviously would.

ughhhhhhhhh. i’ve so much to say to that, but shall keep it to just this: why didn’t he make her some eggs too?
also he didn’t pronounce his Hs. he said “yuman,” like the frogs in Spirited Away.

after training was over I went round to Vicki’s to celebrate Adam’s birthday. I drank two vodkas with Brenton beforehand, then two tumblers of wine at Vicki’s. tumblers… big mistake. I really don’t know how to drink wine. it hit me all at once. one moment I was sitting chatting with Adam, the next I was floored. I snuck out and went home and lay on the floor, ignoring my repeated-phone-ringings. but while I was laying there, drunk as 20 pickled skunks, I was so filled with glee that I got this job I was wriggling almost involuntarily. I decided then and there that I HAD to take it.

I know I should. &yet, &yet. i’m scared.
(all the more reason to just do it, of course! ugh! shut up brain I hate you)

explosive

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had my second round job interview today, which I felt went really well. it’s impossible to tell, though.. no matter how well you do, someone could always have done better. the manager said he’d been impressed, though, and they said they’d call me within 24hours.

I hope I get it. I hope I don’t. I don’t know what to hope. I like my job and don’t want to leave. i’m pretty certain the new job would be great. all I can do is wait, and worry about it then if it’s an issue.

right afterwards I had a conference/networking event, which I thought i’d be late for, but was just in time.. albeit all flustered and incapable of paying attention. then this evening Storm and I went and hung out with Vicki, and had explosive arguments about feminism in which everyone refused to disagree. except amicable me, who agrees with everyone.

so Storm and I went to Miss India for some foods, and had further discussions around.. well, humankind in general. she speaking of philosophy and I of evolutionary psychology. it was fun. she told me the story of a manager or business owner who couldn’t pay his workers high wages, so instead asked them, “what makes you feel rich?” and tried as best he could to make those ideals happen.

she has just left, and I thought i’d better note things down before falling into unconsciousness. Jason is not here, i’d told him we’d be at Vicki and Chelle’s so he’s probably over there.

I had one glass of wine and one of Storm’s premixed Midori drinks. a highly appropriate amount of liquor for a weeknight. wee.

genius

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tuesdayyyyyyys are the longest days. so many whys.
I start at 9.30 at a homeless shelter for women doing some counselling there till 1.30. then I go to my usual office and do telephone work until 5pm. then I see clients till 8pm. then I get two buses home. ughhh.
but I get two hours overtime 🙂

I hate the telephone work a lot. i’ve been complaining bitterly about it  for weeks. they’re trying to take me off it… but, well, at one point they said “too bad, you’re stuck with it,” and I said, “well in that case i’m leaving,” and they said “fine.” that was highly upsetting, and I applied for another job.

this other job is absolutely fantastic and almost perfect… except it’s full time and a three year contract. that’s a bit more than I want to commit to. but, well, I have an interview for it tomorrow.

my ambivalence at least means I shouldn’t be too nervous. but I am, a bit.. on my walk home from the Valley I was trying to think of what they might ask me, and answering these practice questions out loud. I talked to myself all the way home. but at the end got bored and was horsing around a bit:

actually i’m just a genius of a counsellor, really. pretty much the best counsellor in the universe. sit any client with any possible issue down in front of me and I can guarantee all their problems will be solved after one session, two at most. and so will all their family’s problems. and their chronic illnesses and minor ailments will be completely cured, too. basically you’d be utter morons not to hire me on the spot. you’d really be sorry, I mean, you’d live to regret it. by that I mean i’d hunt you all down if it took me the rest of my days. it wouldn’t be hard. you all told me your names and i’m memorising your faces as we speak.

well i’d hire me.

tyrebag! etc

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I love Mondays. wholly because i’ve a perpetual three day weekend. I was telling somebody yesterday about the research finding four day work weeks are correlated with higher quality output from workers.. but I read it simply ages ago and can’t remember anything.

well this Monday I had supervision with Sue, so had swore to myself i’d have my WISC report finished for her to read over in today’s session. so this morning was spent finishing up said report. I was pretty pleased with it when I was done. while Sue was reading it, she commented, “you write so well, it’s such a pleasure.”
i’m bad at taking compliments, I think. “that’s good to hear,” said I.
afterwards she said it was great & perfect. “oh,” I said. “that’s it? no criticisms or anything?”
“nope, let’s just sign that off.”
it was a bit anticlimactic.. after all those hours of work.

after that we discussed a grief and loss case i’m working with. it’s a complicated one I haven’t been able to get a clear formulation of, like there’s something missing. so do you know what Sue suggested we do to try to gain some insight? symbolic representation with mr men. gosh I love her. it was so helpful, and so wonderful to do in supervision.. ’cause it’s something i’ve done in counselling a lot, but this was new.

*break*

having cats fucking SUCKS. they just live to fuck all your shit up. UGH. 😡

*break*

well I came home to discover that SOMEone knocked my teethmonster sculpture off the fishtank & broke off all its ears. it was probably Guppy since she sits there all the time.

but anyway. I bought a shoulderbag made out of recycled tyres:

ex-tyres

see? I love it.

rogue sorcerer

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Munchie is not a very affectionate kitty, except when I sit at my desk. then he jumps up on it and insistently worms his way onto my lap. I need to sit in my chair with my legs crossed to make him a safe nest.

well today I was scheduled to go down the Gold Coast to visit the nannas and my cousin Sharnee, who is up visiting. Jason decided at the last minute to come.. he’d been meaning to work on some psychology projex today but didn’t sleep well last night so couldn’t’ve concentrated.

we went & had breakfast on the way at the Cottage Garden Nursery in East Brisbane. it is lovelie there & we go often & take our friends, who also find it lovely. they also have antiques and I showed Jason a finch cage that i’d been confused by last I was there with Chelle & Jeremy, and he showed me that it was actually a wild finch trap.

as I was driving down to Currumbin I started to get sleepy so asked Jason to tell me a storie to keep me awake. he failed at that, so I suggested (since he’s been reading so much d&d stuf) that we pretend play d&d. I played a rogue sorcerer moving to Baldur’s Gate. I used my foul sorcery to scare away some ambushers, but got stabbed in the face the second I arrived at my destination.. although, that was because we had actually arrived.. at nanna’s.

she fed us exploded little boys, tuna patties and pavlova. then asked me to fix 425890645 things on her computer (as always). we had a chat with mumm on Skype. and then suddenly it was time to leave! oops. we’d arrived late, and Jason wanted to leave early cuz he wanted to stop at Ikea on the way home & buy a hatstand. I should visit them by myself again soon & stay longer.

we watched True Blood & ate Hell Pizza & drank Maleny wine from new Ikea glasses. I am trying to collect an odd assortment of drinking glasses, no two the same. <3

then, on getting ready for bed, I discovered my period had mysteriously stopped after only two days. so I promptly seduced Jason.. & convinced him that if we always avoid the missionary position because it is “too boring,” well then it after a whle it’s the most exciting just out of rarity! so let’s not avoid it all the time. 😉

thoughts and

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I read today that a high proportion of Australians are deeply uncomfortable with their own nudity in a variety of situations, such as changing at gyms (they go into a toilet stall), or having sex with someone for the first time (they leave the lights off). I find this so weird.. so wrong that it is a part of our culture to be ashamed of our own bodies. then I saw a woman breastfeeding at a bench in the city.. under a blanket carried about all day for just that purpose. because, you know, breasts being bared for anything other than sexual consumption is just unacceptable. disgusting, even. who does she think she is, anyway, a human being? ugh. leave that human being shit at home.

well I had training all day today, on the administration, scoring, and interpretation of the 16PF. we administered it to ourselves. I scored very high on openness, abstract reasoning, sensitivity, .. hrmm I can’t recall what else. I should scan my graphs. it was great fun.. the most interesting assessment yet. probably because it was all about me.

I was slightly hungover. on the way home from work last night I stopped at Tempo for two beers with Vicki & Adam, then had two more at Ric’s a couple hours later with Jason, then one at Korean BBQ, then a fire engine at a rooftop bar with Storm that was so wanky it gave me a headache. the bar, not the fire engine. I wasn’t especially drunk at any point.. drinking slowly throughout the night seemed to work well. I was much less hungover than after Thursday’s wine adventures at Chelle’s. which is good.. being less hungover has been a major goal for me the past couple months. doing more rewarding daytime things on weekends… rather than trashy drunk all night things I can barely remember on waking.

tonight we watched True Blood, two glasses wine and cheese for dinner, then reading Catcher in the Rye. Jason thinks we should’ve done more.. gone over to Vicki & Chelle’s (like I promised to last night).. but… meh.

five years later..

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I’ve decided to start up my Daily again, and am pretty excited about it. however I’m thinking I might find it difficult to not talk about work. If I’m to write of my every day, how can I ignore all the time I spend at work, seeing clients? My boss would have 80 conniptions a second for 80 million seconds at the very thought of me discussing my clients with the Internet, even if it were all anonymous.

so I just can’t talk of them. well. surely there will be enough noteworthy else that the ommission will be indetectable..

for my first entry of the (5) year(s)!

I’m disgustingly exhausted and a tad hungover. what a positive start! last night I went round to Chelle and Vicki’s with some Maleny wine and drank the lot, then went out for two more bottles and ended up staying up half the night. I’ve seriously zero self control despite all the best intentions of the world. it’s appalling.

but Chelle made us delicious garlic and almond soup, and Jeremy made paprika chicken and cheesecakes in measuring cups for they had no baking tray. it was delighterous fun. just.. I ended up not getting to work today until midday, and have really gotten nothing done that I’d planned.

but it is hometime in 5 minutes, and we’re going to Korean barbeque tonight. yump! I might just need a nanna nap first, though..