I play Robot Unicorn Attack about five times a day. I can’t stop. I want to buy an iphone just for the iphone version. gosh gosh gosh! this is bad. i’m not even joking.
well, today was a training day in the city. Brenton came round in the morning and we caught the bus in. just as we arrived my phone rang, and it was HR of the job I interviewed for letting me know they wanted to check my references. I called my old Team Leader to let her know.. she is manager now. it was funny to talk to her & hear how samey & yet how different everything is. old lives are past lives.
well they called me back that afternoon and gave me this big breezy spiel about how impressed they all were with my answers and the therapy group plan they’d asked me to prepare, and thanked me for coming in around work, etc, etc. I was waiting for the let down, it was so wordy. but then.. she offered me the job. eeeeeee!
on one hand I knew all along it was a good job for me and thought I did well and that i’d had good chances. on the other.. I can’t believe I was the best candidate they had. I mean really. i’m not even fully registered yet. and do you know, she said, “it was actually a really easy decision to make.” so, you know, my big head is further embiggened, anyway.
&yet, i’ve such enormous ambivalence. I need to do up some pros and cons of taking it and not. I need clarity.
training was okay, better than yesterday. I tried not to be too bitter feminist (it was aimed at improving services for men) and mostly succeeded… except when the trainer was telling us an anecdote to explore male anger: he came home from work one day and his wife, who had been working from home, did not have dinner ready yet. instead of getting pissed off, he said “that’s okay,” and just calmly made himself some eggs. because he’s the progressive type, you see, and doesn’t take it as a personal insult that his wife doesn’t show him she cares by having his dinner ready.. whereas a lot of blokes obviously would.
ughhhhhhhhh. i’ve so much to say to that, but shall keep it to just this: why didn’t he make her some eggs too?
also he didn’t pronounce his Hs. he said “yuman,” like the frogs in Spirited Away.
after training was over I went round to Vicki’s to celebrate Adam’s birthday. I drank two vodkas with Brenton beforehand, then two tumblers of wine at Vicki’s. tumblers… big mistake. I really don’t know how to drink wine. it hit me all at once. one moment I was sitting chatting with Adam, the next I was floored. I snuck out and went home and lay on the floor, ignoring my repeated-phone-ringings. but while I was laying there, drunk as 20 pickled skunks, I was so filled with glee that I got this job I was wriggling almost involuntarily. I decided then and there that I HAD to take it.
I know I should. &yet, &yet. i’m scared.
(all the more reason to just do it, of course! ugh! shut up brain I hate you)