Month: February 2011

secret thoughts

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Self censoring sucks absolutely. But what, as a paranoid human being who also likes to record all thoughts, can one do? There are some thoughts you cannot tell anyone, or certain people, or people connected to those certain people. Aren’t there? Sure, it would be lovely if I could tell everyone all my thoughts; be absolutely genuine every way, every day, as I desperately wish I could be and try to be in all ways that don’t hurt people unnecessarily. If I didn’t mind being completely ostracised, of course.

Ugh. Ugh. What is necessary? Measuring potential hurt to potential gain?

“Look, I’ve been thinking something, and have been unsure whether to tell you, because it affects you, and the way I look at you, and, well… I’m wondering if I should say anything. Do you want to know? Because it will change everything.”
“Are you bonkers? If it affects me of course I want to know. Even if it changes everything, how could I not want to know? We are otherwise living a lie. A LIE. This I cannot stand.”
“Okay, fine. Here it goes. I really fucking hate those green shorts of yours and want you to never wear them again.”
“Fuck. What? Are you kidding me? I fucking LOVE those shorts. I can’t not wear them, even for the brief periods of my life I spend with you.”
“Then I guess this friendship is over. Shit. I’m sorry. I really wish I’d never said anything.”
“Fuck you.”

hiatus over.. maybe?

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Yeah hi. Hi! I kinda stopped updating there for a while.. exactly a month. I guess I lost track of the point behind me doing this… keeping this blog. I was thinking.. why post my mundanity on the Internet, really? There are a buncha reasons not to. I really do appreciate having these nicely filed away textual memories (and what’s up with that, anyway? Why, why all the recording and cataloging? What’s wrong with simply living and remembering the truly memorable? Huh?), but it makes more sense to just keep them to myself, if I’m so sure they will be so very horribly dull to anyone else.

But there it is.. I know, deep inside me (…), that my mundanities are the most thrilling things anyone will ever read. I can’t just take that away from them. I’m not that cruel.

Anyway I just made unpuppet.com live. So now someone could really read this. I’m not sure what I’ll do. I’m cool with people reading it.. although I am a bit wary about the stuff I wrote 2003-2005.. I would read over it to ensure it isn’t too weird or personal but there’s just so much of it!

So, whatever. Maybe I’ll just make it not the very front page or something. Eventually. Till then, hi world.