Self censoring sucks absolutely. But what, as a paranoid human being who also likes to record all thoughts, can one do? There are some thoughts you cannot tell anyone, or certain people, or people connected to those certain people. Aren’t there? Sure, it would be lovely if I could tell everyone all my thoughts; be absolutely genuine every way, every day, as I desperately wish I could be and try to be in all ways that don’t hurt people unnecessarily. If I didn’t mind being completely ostracised, of course.
Ugh. Ugh. What is necessary? Measuring potential hurt to potential gain?
“Look, I’ve been thinking something, and have been unsure whether to tell you, because it affects you, and the way I look at you, and, well… I’m wondering if I should say anything. Do you want to know? Because it will change everything.”
“Are you bonkers? If it affects me of course I want to know. Even if it changes everything, how could I not want to know? We are otherwise living a lie. A LIE. This I cannot stand.”
“Okay, fine. Here it goes. I really fucking hate those green shorts of yours and want you to never wear them again.”
“Fuck. What? Are you kidding me? I fucking LOVE those shorts. I can’t not wear them, even for the brief periods of my life I spend with you.”
“Then I guess this friendship is over. Shit. I’m sorry. I really wish I’d never said anything.”