was on the weekend. he had a keg party at his house and invited practically erryone in Brisvegas.
It started at 1pm. I got there at around 12 and helped set up the tarp in the backyard (cuz it was looking a bit cloudy). I also started drinking around that time.. because you can’t set up a tarp without a beer in your hand I mean come on.
aaaand my memory starts getting hazy almost immediately. I hadn’t eaten that day. I can’t even really remember a bunch of who came and who didn’t.. and I can remember saying hello to certain people as they arrived, but then not talking to them later on, even though Brenton tells me he saw me talking to them. pretty early in the night one of our friends offered me a line of mdma (after I hassled him several times, that is) and it was a pretty enormous one.
and my judgment went out the window. I am kind of grateful I can’t remember what I was spouting to the people I spent lots of time talking to.
there are stand out moments. Marie came and got drunk even though she said she wouldn’t cuz she had to work the next day (she didn’t work the next day) yay.
Storm and Ticket came. I can remember sitting with them on the bed under the house and telling them a fairy tale.. The Frog Prince, I think. except my version had a lot more swears, and the frog was a filthy hairy hobbit, and it ended with him telling the princess off for being a snooty-faced lying selfish brat, and riding handsomely off into the sunset alone.
there were people I didn’t remember, but they remembered me. that’s always the utter worst. there was one bit where I remembered one girl really clearly and made exuberant greetings, but I didn’t recognise her friend at all, even though I’d met them at the same time.
aaaand there was drama. the first drama was when Josh told Darryl he was making Lia uncomfortable. Darryl was highly offended. HIGHLY offended. so offended he spent the rest of the night ranting at Josh at the top of his lungs (in between bouts of heart-rending sobs).. and.. AND.. deleted Josh from facebook. THAT’S how offended.
there was a point where I was sitting on a couch with Jake and flirting really obviously. oh man. I can remember it vaguely but really don’t know what I was thinking. we were talking about polyamory.. how obvious is that. anyway Brenton noticed and came over and I got up, embarrassed. I’m still embarrassed. all the substances shut off my brain, that’s all I can say.
apparently there was also another point where I was giving Matt reiki, because he’d injured his chest.. but I can’t remember that? Brenton told me about it and said it looked suspicious. poor Brenton.
he didn’t seem upset about it all.. just didn’t think it was appropriate. I think he trusts me so doesn’t get angry. he should trust me. I just get silly.
I regret everything.
oh there was also Darryl. after Josh and Lia left he was still ranting about them and I was sitting on the couch talking to him. while we were talking he kept running his hand up my leg. I’d just flick his hand away and tell him to stop it and he’d apologise.. but then do it again in ten minutes. well I didn’t think it was that big a deal, but people noticed.. Jimmy and his friend. it came up the next morning and further drama ensued. Brenton talked to Darryl about it and Darryl got really upset and… sigh.
I think it was the mdma. but it was also just a sexually charged party, for some reason. everyone was flirting.
in conclusion, I need to notice flirtatious behaviour more, and not engage in anything that could be considered reciprocity even slightly. I’m a lot better than I was when I’d just come out of a polyamorous relationship, but obviously there is lots of room for improvement.
cuz I just wanna be with Brenton <3