Okay so, my gosh. I’m extremely exasperated and ferociously frustrated.
I’ve had an outer ear infection for about a month now. When it didn’t get better I saw my doctor and was prescribed ear drops.
I am changing doctors! These drops have made my life sheer misery. From the very start they made a point of getting trapped inside my eardrums… where they have smugly sat ever since, swishing about like my head’s their own personal roller-coaster. Like they don’t think hearing is anything I actually need to do things like, you know, provide people with therapy.
Well today I got sick of it and googled methods to get water out of one’s ears. I’d already tried jumping about like a loon with my head on its side, hanging my head upside down and swivelling it, and tugging on my lobes like they were newly grown head-labia that just didn’t belong. Well, as of this moment, I’ve also tried:
- Headbanging with my head pointing towards the ground. This sent fluid rushing into my sinuses and gave me an instant piercing headache. Ear still blocked. Also I did this right before Josh and Kylie turned up at my house to collect Josh’s phone, which he’d left here the night before. I was a bit disoriented and distracted by shooting spasms of agony, so that was a bit awkward.
- Blocking my nose and blowing. For some reason I hadn’t realised that this worked for water as well as air pressure. This created some encouraging shiftings and creakings from my ears, but to no avail.
- Blowing my hair dryer, on low heat, across my ear holes. Nothing.
- Creating a vacuum with my palm/finger/that little sticky out from the front bit of the ear in the hope that this would suck it out like a plunger would. Still blocked.
- And finally, mixing up a solution of 50% rubbing alcohol and 50% vinegar and dripping this into my ear. The internet told me that the water in my ear would mix with the alcohol and evaporate along with it. Well, the internet LIED. MALICIOUSLY. It burned like the fire of a thousand of hells, I CRIED, and my ears are still. blocked.
In fact, I’m pretty sure they are worse now. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.