I walked into a door

I woke up at 4am and lay half dreaming until I realised I was on the floor, I turned on the radio & all that would come out was horrid overwhelming tribal beats, no matter what the station, & even if it wasn’t a station at all! turned it off immediately. & started going through my two shoeboxes full of letters from my friends when I was 16 & moving all over the country leaving them behind. they were all so cheer-full, I looked at a photo of us all in a line with cheeky chesire grins in our drab school uniforms splattered with water-fight water for about an hour. I can’t remember the me I was.

then! let’s see. had my usual croissant with very, very finely sliced cheese, and raspberrie cordial, of course, diet, because there is far too much sugar otherwise. checked my email & set up new hosting accounts & such. I was on ICQ for a while.. & as a result nearly missed my bus, which would be nothing unusual. on the way I took heaps of pictures of reflections in the windows, but none turned out right. walking past a bar I wished I could photograph the smell, it’s so pervasive, and so identifiable as “bar.”

I visited every second-hand bookshop in town, wandered around the esplanade lagoon and photographed a stretching pelican with a crowd of pigeons. dropped my eyeshadow box & it smashed into a thousand pieces, so I need new eyeshadow. walked right into a doorhandle & now have a lovelie round bruise on my forearm (“I walked into a door!”). bought two books and an astro boy comic, which I took out to read on the bus home, & then left it behind on the seat!

I hate big brother with a passion. it is the worst television show of all time, & I wish, I wish it would die a horrible, painful & agonisingly slow death.

silent static idiot

got back two of my essays today! anthropology essays. I got a HD for the race one and a D+ for the war one. I am doing much better than I have previous semesters, despite a lack of any English & Art classes.

& my hair has grown long enough so I don’t need to wear a hat after washing it to make it lie flat anymore! yay! I really hate hair that sticks up, unless it’s really short. like one millimetre short. I need to dye it again already. my [natural] hair is much darker now then it used to be, but that could be an illusion..

I met my stats project group & we talked about what we’d done. which wasn’t much. one of the girls I intensely like, she is so adorable, & so self depreciating. I notice more & more that I must be the only person on campus who hasn’t a friend, who walks everywhere alone.

Georgia wrote back. she wants to meet for coffee/lunch on the Esplanade on Thursday at noon. shock. shock. I am so nervous, & so happy, & so scared. I don’t have cofee/lunch. I don’t meet for coffee/lunch. & I have class all day Thursday, but I told her i’d meet any time.. what will happen? don’t let her be scared of me. i’ve changed so much. she must have too. don’t let me be a silent static idiot with nothing to say!

Go, Anna

oh, today was Sunday, & I had to have some work on my stats project done by Monday. So I was all set to do it today, but then I realised I couldn’t do it because I needed a program that is on the computers at uni! So I went to the library from 2-5, because it was only open from 1-5. & there was hardly anyone there, ’cause it was a Sunday, &! I saw the hugest goanna on the bridge across the creek going up to the library. It ran away from me & finally jumped off the bridge it was so scared, but it was huge. I was scared of it, but still took some pictures of it, but no good ones because it was running away the whole time.

I stopped at Smithfield on the way home. every time I cross the road there, I remember how my mother fell so heavily on her face. it makes me so very uncomfortable to think about, because she has so much dignity, and it all fled with the blood pouring off her face & the one sob she let escape. such small things affect me so very much where a few years ago I wouldn’t’ve thought of them a second time.


well I am slightly infuriated. i’ve been waiting for unpuppet.com to propagate to a new server, which it hadn’t seemed to be doing at all. I thought i’d log into the control panel just to check up on things, and I see that 200mb of data transfer has been used. uh oh, I think. that means it’s propagated elsewhere but not here, yet! which means I haven’t been getting all of my mail! & gosh. I was too right. I logged into the server & there was just piles & piles of mail from as far back as when i first updated the nameservers.

one of them was from Georgia! a big & lovelie surprise, because she finally (!) decided we must catch up, so we are going to visit sometime next week, hopefully! I just emailed her back, shamed for the length of time, but it was completely un my fault. anyway. I hope I don’t scare her away, because i’ve changed quite a bit since I knew her, & my personality is a bit.. well, it scares people away.

also, when Trina came over to pick up the baby she told me she’d been visiting my site (if you’re reading this, Trina, hi!) when either her boss or someone she works with (can’t remember) peered over her shoulder & liked the stuff i’d made. so he wants me to make some arts for his magazine! & maybe a website. but magazine arts! yay! that would be great funs. I was surprised when Trina said she had thought I wouldn’t be interested. but then, she thinks I don’t drink (hee). actually, i’m just teasing her in case she ever finds this bit. I don’t drink. *snort*

& that is funny because I hadn’t decided whether or not i’d actually put this on my site yet. at the moment it’s just on the computer, a test thing to see if I can keep it up. if I do, maybe I will put it up, but hidden. because I don’t want everyone to think that i’d think they’d actually find this crap interesting.


last night, after preparing for the discussion, it was too late to start on the stats project, as I had to get up early in the morning, so I went to bed. & lay there for 4 hours, unable to sleep. I wanted to get up & do things, I had all these ideas blossoming in my overhyperactivated brain. but I couldn’t get up & do them, because I had class in the morning! ooo. it was so frustrating. & only got about 3 hours sleep.

I woke up with mild hayfever, so I took half an avil as I usually do. only when I got to my lecture it got very bad, so I took another half avil, since the first one hadn’t seemed to help. then I thought once I got out of the lecture it would go away, as it was in the dusty lecture room, not the theatre. only it didn’t go away, so an hour later I took a whole avil, because I didn’t want to be sneezing during the discussion. but it still didn’t go away, & I sneezed constantly during the discussion, & had to blow my nose 50times a second.

when I got home I took another whole avil & went to bed to sleep for three hours. I thought when I woke up it would be gone, but it wasn’t. i still have it, & i’ve taken another whole avil since waking up. it’s terrible. my nose hurts from blowing it, i’ve a headache & hot & cold flushes & I can’t concentrate on anything. can’t do any work, can’t read, can’t write, can’t do anything except complain, & I can’t even do that out loud because it’s rude & everyone feels sorry enough for me as it is.

if the allergy specialist can’t find what i’m allergic to i’m going to demand surgery. I don’t care any more. this oh so completely sucks my great aunt’s balls.

o herro

<!– O this is the first post now. What an awful first post! Soz! –>

quite violent mood swings today. I was supposed to update atlantisbeachside.com with some articles, but got so impatient I stormed out of the office & stayed in my dark, dark room for an hour. I also got very sad, and cried a bit, and afterwards didn’t feel so very sad, and dozed for a while.

I finished uploading unpuppet.com to the new server and updated the nameservers, so tomorrow or the next day it will be switched over. some of the scripts & stuff won’t work properly because I can’t be bothered to do all those heaps of little fiddly things until it’s switched.

SVU was interesting. if your baby had a rare & horrid disease causing the gradual degradation of the brain, so her sight gradually grows worse until she’s blind, hearing gradually grows worse until she’s deaf, soon can’t sit up, soon can’t move, soon can’t swallow or breathe, & then dies before the age of five, & you feed her crushed antidepressants in her formula so she goes to sleep & doesn’t wake up, do you deserve to go to jail for 25 years to life?

I have lots of homework to do. prepare for a discussion on deviance & crime tomorrow, & also at least attempt to begin my stats project.