ze so stoic
nuclear family

[surrounded by thought to be hidden negativity
sliming out my eyes]

i hAte the way every0ne thinks they're
some0ne

& the way i don't hate_

If we are the company we keep
point out who is great to me
so I can stand nearby

you walk this world like you're alive
curious bursts of colour radiating toward my eyes

insecurity
you say you see
but i see not

I don't even really need someone to reassure me every day
i'm a hundred perfect angels already

//ernest hemingway once wrote:
"the world is a fine place, and worth fighting for."
i agree with the second part.//

it's lovelie but i don't agree with it at all...

I'd like to keep you under
a jar
I'd like to keep you under
me
I'd like to keep you under
the ground
I'd like to keep you under
everything else on my list

I'd
like
to
keep
you
under...

(I'd like to push you under a car)

//if you love two
you love neither enough//

at the moment.. the people i usually find less than screamworthy seem amazingly fantastic. they're all bloated with amazingly fantastic little ideas, they're all made of plastic and melting together in one huge swirly-colourful puddle, a moaning puddle. and You are the moaning puddle. and that dab of cobalt blue blending with the mayor's nicotine green. your problems were the biggest, because you were you; and i think you're mad now because someone else is managing to moan louder than you.

i'd like to be too young for things, for everything.

i've never had a problem stepping in peoples' eyes, except once, at a job interview for a stationary supplies store. the manager was fat, his default expression a smile that for the first few seconds you were sure was real, and smiled back, until you realised it wasn't a smile at all and you felt rather silly. my eyes slid away in a manner that could be seen as anything good, reminding you of the crafty villain in a grimm's fairy taile. i'm sure that's the so(u)le reason i didn't get the job.

every night we've been feeling like going outside in our nightgown and stocking feet and sunglasses, when the stop lights are off and apathetically blinking letting people think for themselves, we want to lie on the footpath or the patch of grass between this cage and the next and stare up, wait for something to happen. perhaps we only want to because we know we can't. we don't even have a nightgown or sunglasses, we'd just have to settle for the stockings, i suppose. secretly we love being merely mediocre, not doing such things as, and owning such things as nightgowns and sunglasses.

a while ago i cut my hair again, it's still longer in the back because it's harder to cut there. don't think you've a right to breathe, or smell bad, just because you're here. the only thing you can do because you've a right to is to be naive to a point where it's dangerous. NOTHING IS OPTIONAL.

be naive to a point where it's dangerous.

you'd like it to be freezing, and to lie awake in the dark with no covers on, because you don't deserve covers. but it has to be someone else to pull the covers off, you can't just kick them off yourself because it wouldn't be the same. it'd just be stupid.

sometimes fasting is too easy. punishing yourself to punish others never seems to work but people do it all the time anyway. it's why i respect them so much.

you should love your parents. love them dammit. you should love your wife, your mistress, and perhaps even your children. your neighbours. loving your neighbours is the most important of all. if you love them i guess you don't even have to love your wife.

you wouldn't really want to be perfect. you'd find yourself pure(,) white and hairless, with no thought or concept of anything at all.

i'm the person with bells on the curls of my shoes, who collects forgotten memories in hollow glass balls and plants them in other peoples' gardens until they grow into weeds.

the taste of chlorine. comfortably aloof, surprisingly blood-free.

lucky i never get mad
*lovingly smashes computer*

11 mannequins in a row against a wall.
13 bottled foetuses watching watching watching.
it's alive!

open your mouth a little more often

i sleep to the noise of tv fuzz
because it gives me nightmares

tt (minus the nighs)

take everything i say
don't say my name

but i never say his name at all
for god's ache

nothing is about you
& neither was that^
peoples' heads are oversized

i want snow, i want snow, i want snowowowowowwwwwAH!

i'd love to love pie & positivity

calling someone yours doesn't make them jesus christ
i suppose after realising that i quit pretending everyone was mine

but no one ever even understands their great realisations!

Stop giving me reasons
To untie myself
Cause I can only leave you behind
If I have myself to blame

People are cute
So are flowers and bugs
People are bugs
So are flowers and skyscrapers

How long could two people survive
Underwater
Breathing into each others' mouths

Spring is withering
The sphinx is coming
Rain is failing

The darling tulips are being raped daily
And everything is going brown again
Ever more frail
Even more real

Your smooth round pet rock is laced with tiny feathered cracks
A new one for every second nothing happens

I hope you find what you're looking for
My wishing star is broken
It wanted to be a spy when it grew up

But that means nothing

the aliens must be here :)

realised by constant wishes: i am completely unsatisfied with my mind.

i'd like to write about things without it turning out to be an unintelligable formless string of misdirected, garbled nonsense. i'd like to write about happenings, most-lie the superficial events of my day. i'd like to have the patience, minus contempt, for something such as ..that.

i'd like to be content! & to actually know and not just know that no one can be better than anyone.

and to be interested, to have opinions. i signed up for epinions.com today before i remembered that i've not an opinion at all, really. not one strong enough to actually be acknowledged as an opinion.

nor a hate, belief, ambition.
dissatisfaction + complaining = nausea.

but I am loved.

lemonade might help :)

i've an imaginary flaxen-hair'd friend
who follows me all over my
still life
riding a mechanical bull&whooping

if you must forget
i'd rather you never forgive

beginning a sentence with a capital really seems pointless, I hereby will never do it again.

I'm the only one really/not a monkey
being alert seems imporrible
everyone is more/less intelligent than I assume. they don't realise that without their masks they're more attractive.
are all angels blindfolded?

a homeless man digging through a dump-ster finds an octagonal container, what it contains he is not to know, for he can't figure out how to open the thing. he takes it home (to the subway) with him and places it with his other posessions next to his makeshift bed. while he's asleep, the octagonal box opens, it's a music box. it doesn't wake him, rather, it hypnotises his subconscious. the music seeps into his brain and stays there, even after he wakes, and for days afterwards; every night the process recurrs. the music is alive, a genie of sorts, and, unbeknownst to the homeless man, the genie grants every conscious and unconscious wish the man makes. there is a price, however, for every wish the man is granted, a memory is lost.

I don't like people who wear masks
  but I adore liars
I don't like people who write poetry
  but I adore people with the ability to say

I would only marry whomever should giveth and partaketh with me
an apple gold, from the tree of life&knowledge
which groweth eternal at the edge of the worlde

not quite the faraway tree
I recommend Enid Blyton to anyone able to read, and those unable I envy.

&the magickal sack which captured geese and Death.
dreaming of death heralds new beginnings!
(two nights in a row, I dreamt my moth-er dead.)

the solution to all my apparent (bodily) hardships/problems would be to finish this god damned
    life :)
which isn't what I had initially meant to say, to say.

shoo flie
don*t both-er me

I love people for their misconceptions and schizophrenia.
I would, anyway, if not for this wretched squid forever balanced upon my noggin!
(have I ever used the term noggin before?)

disassociative personality disorder is always
always!
a result of childe abuse

1 is wise
2 is beautiful
3 is innocent
4 is mean
the others aren_t there
1oftheothers: are any of them there?!

I ride a pennyfarthing
all the time
in my mind
I'm in my mind all the time

I only just
am only just
unjust

I am a vermicious canid :)    <-- sideways smiley
I have a plastic wineglass with a crazie straw
&a giant inflatable flamingo
&desperately wAnt a mannequin
&an expansive collection of wigs
dammit!

the ampersand is my favourite thing
(socurlie&nice&)
eye am NoT miserable! how dare you

I thought it sucked they were all waving minature flashlights rather than candles.
I so dislike this contrite country
they look at me &
smile at me looking away
sliding eyes! it's slimey

their minds are absinthe, razorblades and flies!
americans are flies
(..shoo flie..)

I owne the coolest hat in the worlde
cool?

my voice don't smile
Advance Australia Fair
noose whip lash wkshh
spi!

I AM NOT A NEGATIVE PERSON OKAY
I'm so happy, cause today I shaved my bunnie
no wait, wait, wait...
my bunnie's name is Harlot
her hair is growing back

everyone has voices
voices voices
in their head
they just don't acknowledge them!
the sun shines
from a well
from a lamp in the well
that a witch tricked
a witch
into falling falling falling
despair KILLKILL

I want to choose a victim
a random person on the street a girl younger than eye
and kill her with a k-nife
then...
I'd be obliged to kill everyone who had loved her.
then those who had loved those.
then those who had loved those.
then those who had loved those.
then those who had loved those.
then those who had loved those.
then those who had loved those.
and so on.
only the unloving would remain.
the people like me.
and that would be... utopia.

siren hunger vanity lust
mirrors all over the place
all over the inside of my skull

THE INSIDE OF MY SKULL
IS LINED WITH MIRRORS
the walls of this room I'm trapped in
the floor and ceiling
MIRRORS
what makes it worse:
they're two way mirrors!
anyone can peer in at anytime they please. for all I know, there watches a w-hole crowd; an audience. they even pay admission. see into a girl's mind, literally!

ALIENS in my mind.
you are an alien.
what?
you heard me. you shouldn't be in my head. get the fuck out. :)   <-- sideways smiley.

stop looking at me
or I'll burn my eyes out
so you can't see

tears melting from my fingertips
blood
i'm dying

bees are the carriers of insanity
I wish I had duck feet

shed a lifetime of hypocrisy

i am a rooster
i eat strawberry souffle&smoke cigars in a bubble bath on the ceiling
i have a fear of success
i would like to be a boy just so i could pretend to be a girl

my nanna told me when i was small
if i ever found a 4leaf clover&put it under my pillow as i slept
i would see fairies

i used to cheat when looking for 4leaf clovers
but split 3leaf clovers never revealed the fairies anyway

there are snowflakes in the forecast !!
!
it was 96 today ? :
who cares
      !!!

ecstacy
embalming fluid
lingerie
avocado
wish i smoked cigars

people don't worry as much
as people that don't

Of course lies breed only more lies, scurrying frantically about and reproducing, lurking under the layers of one's brain chewing on it all the while, their hooks dug deeply into it's flesh. How to exterminate them? Those hooks that keep them firmly anchored are connected to more hooks, those also firmly anchored, though in the flesh of others. The only way to squash each lie would be to rip those hooks from each mind they had claimed, including my own.

the Best de-Fence is Any de-Fence

i wear 6 dresses at any time and am too flamboyant to fit in any closet
so it's my __ only the flamboyant are free from closets

my angel is a fish

all i can do is curl in the corner of my cement box my eyes away from the sun dismay at my lack of mind_ and all i want to do is hold your hand
      like toothless eels sucking on my stomach lining

i sleep away my days suspended from the ceiling by chains attached to body piercings

i never write about anyone

things an
d th
in
g

s

i'd like to hold a grudge for four evers :)
:)))))))))

after spending four hours on something that doesn't even WORK!     !!! godfuckshitcock!

lol
that must be addictive

he's not supposed to do anything not involving me.. even when i'm doing something else. he should just be waiting for me to finish&come back.
i promise i will sing today. if he asks. i don't know why i hate it. probably because i have to redo each and every line eight times before it's considered suitable.
i'm very glad i'm not a perfectionist.
eight times!!

you'd better not be spying on me. :)
i'm allowed to complain to myself.. at least. aren't i?

i think.. i think. i think i thinkithinkithinkithinkithink
spurts of visual+linguistic-emotional mi(s-ex)pression

2nd September, 2000
the world was mine
there was a war
empty fields, tractors
black women, we were rebelling
sabotage
*.*.*

the iron giant

there is a boy under the footpath
in the park... i know the exact spot.
he's trapped there and thinks he's been there forever.
i know how he got there.
he stepped on one of the fairie portals.
all he needs to do to get out is apologise. but he doesn't know it!

I am from Callisto.

listen:
a fair
is a veritable
smorgasbord
after
the crowds
have ceased
each night
when the lights
go out
it can be found
on the ground
all around...
oh
what a ratly feast

I'm invisible

slide in, every sweet relief, light blinds my wound
transmit love, tasting the wet, fester it around
razor kiss, in my eyes, touch me violent
be anywhere, dirty in transfusion, need
disorientating comfort, wired, electric in you
lush*

i would still prefer to have no effect on anyone

know eye don't nose al-houred

oh it snowed
it didn't elate me as much as i had thought
just made me shivergoosebump

bundledup with tea&gloves

sunk