today i've silver eyelids & a silver tongue to match.
i wish i had some bottles of perfume to smash.

you can see what i've been learning.
which isn't much.

i'll name my daughter anaesthesia.

my tinie lj contest. hurrie hurrie hurrie.

I WANT A MANNEQUIN, GOD, PLEASE. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK? A MANNEQUIN. NOW.

start time: 3:09pm
candles on your last birthday cake: 21
date you regularly blow them out: 28th of may
pets: a sleeklie black buddha
height: 5'3" ..i think.
weight: 50kg ..i think.
eyes: warm, velvety, deep, luscious, soulful (& all the other corny adjectives that really mean "plain") brown
hair: black
piercing: labret
tattoos: wrist ladybugg
birth place: melbourne, victoria, australia
current place: cairns, queensland, australia
ever been in love? faux love. faux everything! hurrah! what a life.
ever loved someone so much it made you cry? everything makes me cry. faux tears! hurrah!
ever been in a car crash? no. a train crash!.. but it was only one of those kiddie trains.
croutons or bacon bits: neither nor.
2 or 4 doors: either or. i mean, really. god. who the fuck cares?
dumper or dumpee: dumpee! anything out of the ordinarie is great.. haha.
high achiever or easy-going: overly easy-going. it's a disability.
gloves or mittens: gloves. though i adore the idea of mittens because they remind me of those sillie kittens.
BWM mini or VW Beetle: bugg! a thousandfold.
lucky number: numbers rob me.
favourite movie: mmm. 12monkeys. or beetlejuice. or the dark crystal! or the last unicorn! arrrrr. it's far too hard, favourites are far too hard.
movie quote: memorie thingie not work.
favourite food: tomato soup. pumpkin soup. soup! sliced white bread. pineapple, strawberries, berries! peaches & plums. cheesecake. sushi. lollipops. pasta.. pesto fettucine! canneloni! avocado. strawberry frozen yoghurt. chimichangas & many other mexican dishes. honey chicken with cashewwwsmmm. rice.. anything sweet n sour. vanilla shakes from mcdonalds (they're almost food!). cheeseburgers! pizza! omfg! lol
favourite day of the week: wednesday. it's the odd one out. & sunday is for dying & fading away.
song playing at the moment: photograph - something for kate.
favourite tv show: hmm. home movies on cartoon network. powerpuff girls. pond life. the simpsons, of course.. looney tunes. & all those old 80s cartoons. YOU know the ones.
favourite toothpaste: whatever's available. as long as it has sparkles! yay!
favourite restaurant: mmm mmm hm. i'm non-partial. one that has outdoor seating in the shade, & potted plants. & real tablecloths & napkins & silverware. either that, or one of those dark, dingy little cafes with loads of atmosphere.
favourite flowers: tulip! that one's easy. only fake ones though.. the real ones are a bit of a let down after the fake ones.
least favourite thing: gosh. okay.. that in between kind of rain, where it's just half-heartedly spitting. if it's going to rain., i want RAIN. drenching, pouring, drowning, thundering RAIN, baby. not the pissie stuff.
favourite sport to watch: diving, or horse jumping or dressage. i like ponies. or gymnastics. the elegant ones.
last hospital visit: simply ages ago. i think when a friend had an operation. or no! when oh! when x was beaten up. about a year ago. how quickly my mind wipes.
favourite drink: fuzzy navel! fizzie berrie wine. any kind of red wine. screwdrivers.. or better yet, straight vodka!
how many times did you fail your drivers test: i still refuse to take it. i failed the learner's test once, because the second time they gave me the same one! losers!
your opinion of ouija boards: they're pretty.
where will you be 10 years from now: dead! the pennies told me 2 years ago i had 4 years left. what reason have i to doubt the foretelling of the PENNIES?
your clothing style: winter: long patched up skirts, tights, hugely heeled boots. sweaters with too long arms. a dozen hats, scarves, fingerless gloves. scruffy and mismatched. & it's always winter.
do you wear makeup? eyes only. black & a purple/red bruise colour.
your website: dozens! unpuppet.com being my favourite.
favourite website: oh. gosh. hell.com.
where do you like to shop: ebay! & myer. & those darling fairie shops. & sex-thing shops!
what do you do when bored: read. i like to escape//
age: 13.
most annoying thing: sex.
best thing: seducing/being seduced.
what keeps you interested: mystery? i'm losing interest.. sorry.
iz u ghetto: excusez moi?
favourite bands or singer: moi! no.. i've whole lists. but can't be bothered to type them, or think of them.. or even think.. . how quickly it overtakes me.
end time: 10:35pm. so i'm easily distracted.

how many years does the average person
(the average person?)
think they have left?

& may I say:
I despise it when people say "wallah!"
instead of "voila!"
how STUPID.

the 3 of us had been catching taxis from bar to bar all night,
it was around 4 am when we walked home from the last one.
half way there i stopped & quietly puked into someone's shrub garden
& had to run to catch up.

standing on the apartment building steps
waiting for her to open the door,
i noticed vomit all down one side of my coat, so took it off.

"wow," he said, looking down at me.
"wow, is that a dress, or a slip?"
"it's a dress." i was looking at the tiny icicles on a tree.
"it's nice," he said, putting his arm around me.
i pushed him away; she'd finally gotten the door open.

"jess," she said upstairs, her eyes like golfballs,
"are you okay? going to be okay?"

i stumbled into my room, slammed the door,
& lay down on the floor. the bed looked too nice for me,
with its white cover & chocolate coloured teddy on the pillow.
it made me feel disgusting. i lay on my back & closed my eyes.

when i woke up a bit later he was on me,
sweaty & grunting, hair in his eyes,
his boot raking my calf,
his knee bruising my thigh.

i said "hey." he grinned down at me
& slimed his slug of a tongue
in between my lips.

i thought, for a second,
of just going back to sleep,
too sick & tired to care.

instead i bit down,
as hard as i could.
& left him
moaning on the
floor.

   what saw/sore i ought
   i went one day
   and saw what i ought!
       oh, pray,
       pray to i
       pray tell, do i?
   see what i ought
   or what you will.
       pray tell,
       the time of day,
       one to play,
   am i,
   and thee,
   pray tell.
   what do you see?
       thou?
       now! this instant!
           how?

he's in two of my classes. i don't know his name. i like to sit next to him and pretend i'm in another world, when really i'm concentrating entirely on his every movement. i sneak at least 50 glances at him a day. i pretend he's always watching me.

today i ran from my romantic poetry class to the bus stop, burst around the corner and practically collided with him. i hadn't expected to see him. he was waiting for a bus, too. i, quite flustered, sat down and wrote out that silly poem up there in five seconds, just so i'd calm down.

he sat there and listened to some very shitty music on a portable cd player; i could hear it. i didn't say a word, even when he turned off his shitty music & put it away. then my bus came, and i got on it. i didn't even sneak a glance as it drove away. i was quite proud of my restraint.