My last exam:
Was at 8:45am, and for Environmental Science. I hadn't studied at all. I caught the 8am bus. A girl from my English class was on it, sitting across from me, hilighting lines of text in a tattered exercise book. I said "last second studying is the best kind."
"it's the only way I can, exclamation point," she said.

I was early, so went to the refectory and bought strawberry milk.
The lady behind the counter said "have you had your hair cut again?"
I said "no, it's just poufed out, so looks shorter."
"it looks great!"
I thought of my mother saying I get more compliments from strangers than anyone she's known, and wished she hadn't said it, because before she had I hadn't noticed, and wasn't self conscious of it, and could safely ignore compliments from strangers. Now I feel I must catalogue them to prove her wrong.

I sat at a table by the window, drank my milk, and concentrated on exuding a sense of please don't sit with me or attempt to start a conversation. It worked, except for another English class girl saying "Hi," as she walked by with a chattering bunch of friends like they were all grapes on the same twig.

I looked at the clock after the milk was gone and noticed I was almost late. I ran most of the way to the room the exam was in. They're split up, because the only rooms that are big enough for an entire class to fit in are the lecture theatres, and the seats are far too cozy for exams. I'm always in the A-D room, which I count myself lucky for, because my latest crush's last name also begins with D.

The room wasn't open yet when I arrived, and there were people lined up and down the corridor outside the closed door, standing with open books doing last minute revisions and quizzing each other. I found a spot against a wall and sat down, opened the novel I was living in at the moment, John Grisham, and started reading.
The boy with blue hair, I never did learn his name, crouched in front of me and peered at the page I was on. Seeing the author's name at the top, he said "Ooh, which one?!" and grabbed the book off me to look at the cover. "Runaway Jury! I won't give away the ending, then."
"I've read the last page," I said, but I hadn't.
He laughed uproariously. "Then you must have the exam answers written on your thigh, or something, 'cause only cheaters read the last page!"
"Give me my book," thinking, how dare he mention my thigh.

I stood up, after he left, and looked up just at the right moment to catch my crush's eye as he came up the hallway. He was wearing glasses, which he never had before, and stared at my eyes for about 5 seconds. He smiled right before I looked away and reopened my book. I know his name, I write down his apparent flaws, I dress for him, he wears the same blue shirt very often. Black hair. As soon as he speaks to me the crush will dissipate, if he gives me a hug before saying a word I'll love him forever! How likely is it?

A very small, mid-fourty man with a high waistband opened the exam room door and began reading the rules from a clipboard. No food or drink allowed. Two women with a huge box of bananas between them sighed explosively. Non-programmable calculators. Ten minutes' reading time. We all filed in and left our bags at the front of the room. I noted the crush sat two rows over, one row ahead. Student ID at the top right corner of the desk. You may begin.

The first question was What is bio-diversity? I couldn't/didn't answer it. Words have too many definitions, and I'm no good at picking one. I answered acid rain, how cyclones are formed, how the ratio of O¹⁸ to O¹⁶ in sea fossils tell us what the climate was at the time, "debt swapping" between poor and rich countries, dryland salinity. I can't remember them all.

I need priorities, I should have answered more. I was the first to leave. 90% of them looked up as I left, and I could feel them collectively thinking she must be really smart, or really dumb, before lapsing into soil structure degradation.

DON'T FUCK YOUR CHILDREN.

in the car, on the way, 8:30 am. Mumm was driving me to the operating theatre, and dropping Sarah off at dance practice on the way.
Mumm: have you got something to eat?
Sarah: wear?
Mumm: with you.
Sarah: yeah. jeans and a top.
I just started laughing.

I was nervous, because I'd be put to sleep. general anaesthesia. I thought I might get lost, or stolen.

at the front desk, I had to fill out a consent form to be put to sleep. there was a spot for a witness' signature, & I said to the woman, "do I need a witness?"
"Yes," she said, "you'll need to get your mumm to sign it, because you're under 18."
"Okay. I'm 21."

I had to take out my labret. the doctor said to leave it out, because it'd give me serious gum problems in the future. okay, I said. so I'm leaving it out.
he stuck a horrible thing in my hand. needles make me faint, but I'd be fainting anyway. he said it'd take 20 seconds to work, and then he'd gas me to keep me down. I was staring at the ceiling, waiting to feel something, and suddenly I wasn't. there was no in between, didn't feel anything.

I woke up in a different room. the first thing I said was "I dreamt!" because it surprised me. no one could understand me, my face was numb and stuffed with gauze. I felt very euphoric for about 5 minutes. I'd never felt better. then I felt horrid.

I was dehydrated, headachie, and my throat was so sore. my nose was sore too. the nurse said it was because I'd had a tube put through them. my throat is still sore, abraded. I can't eat, haven't for about 48 hours, but am not hungry. I think because I've been swallowing so much blood. I'm on panadeine forte, so it doesn't hurt, much, and it also makes me sleep a lot.

so. no more sideways wisdom teeth. I forgot to ask to keep them. the aliens probably have them by now.
an interesting experience.

we should scream instead of speaking, wail instead of whining
if i don't touch someone in the first week of meeting them it takes me months

faeries look at each other knowingly, we know what you need to do, go see the air faerie, queen of all flying things. ladybugs fly, right?
air faerie's voice sounds like lots of bubbles popping against each other.
shouldn't the water faerie's voice sound like bubbles?
you're right, go see her. <<- in normal voice

speaking hurts my throat
hearing hurts my ears
do you mind?
some of us are sick, here.

some of us have a right to complain
the rest of you are just moaning
because it hurts my ears

how much weight can a person lose in a week?
QUICK
abortion will soon be illegal
HAVE AS MANY AS YOU CAN, WHILE YOU CAN.

the only thing that gets blood out of a wedding dress is the saliva of the person whose blood was spilled.

I have here part of a poem, by Keats, that I simply cannot find the rest of.
if you find the rest of it for me, I'll perform sexual favours of all kinds.
it's called Pensive they sit, and roll their languid eyes:

Pensive they sit, and roll their languid eyes,
Nibble their toasts and cool their tea with sighs;
Or else forget the purpose of the night,
Forget their tea, forget their appetite.
See, with crossed arms they sit - Ah! hapless crew,
The fire going out and no one rings
For coals, and therefore no coals Betty brings.
A fly is in the milk-pot - must he die
Circled by a Humane Society?
No, no; there, Mr Werter takes his spoon,
Inverts it, dips the handle, and lo! soon
The little struggler, saved from perils dark,
Across the teaboard draws a long wet mark.
Romeo! Arise! take snuffers by the handle,
There's a large cauliflower in each candle.

& I've enabled xentrik.net again. hazbah.

I played video games with a boy in Melbourne when I was 12.
we were sitting on my bed, and he said, "if our mumms knew I was sitting here, we'd be dead."
his name was Kierun.
& his mumm just called to tell me he's dead.

I am sad.

when I imagine myself in a phone booth,
the air around me goes hollow,
like i'm in a phone booth.

I visited my aunt in the hospital yesterday, took one look at the IV in her arm, and passed out. actually I stood there, as the room was spinning, and said "this room is a spaceship. something weird is happening to me." and then I passed out.

if I stare hard enough at the grass I can see it changing colours.
my bracelet broke.

sad,