my fish make me do things  3/5/00  
... . there are nothing but accidents ..
yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes
what oh what shall I do.. there are certain things one should never
ever
think
even to one's self
I don't believe that :) one should think everything.. even discuss everything.. you realise
anything is acceptable if you think about it long enough .. .
though a lot of people don't accept that... but if something as controversial as
abortion
can be accepted by so many.. shouldn't.. mmm
I feel like lying ..

The bread is stale
give it to the mice...
mice??? what mice?!
mmm....
you're so fucking crazy
why?
invisible bugs, your skin MOVing, you're not like anyone else, scared of everything, and give it to the mice?!
do you believe in difference...
you're such a fuckhead.
oh...
ever been told.. that you're hated? especially when you know it isn't true... that if you were to die as they say they wish you would.. they'd be distraught enough to allow that death to affect their entire ..life

I'm very very very glad this box hasn't a character or word count.. those things make me so ..distracted.. though I'm distracted already today... 


I notice nothing !
Maxibon Risk puts the Danger back into ice cream.
Don't call me!! 

(((she could dance real well)))
lovelielovelielovelielovelielovelielovelielovelielovelielovelielovelie

"i understand that you are not on such a
.. hmmmmm linear sort of train of thought
as i have become accustmed to
but this does not mean
that i don't understand no
and.. lol
i had typed in the words
i am sorry.. and meant it as a normal apology before you sent that
for reals.
for not understanding..
it's not a stupid conversation
not if it could kill us
..and yes i misinterpret
and i of all of us meaning you and i
prove that i understand well.
first i must ask you this..lol
understand what?
nonono in specific"

hate and imposed abortion                               ?!!?!?!

fester it around like a squealing pig
show me what i want. you.

do you remember why you ever..... ..
were
a caterpillar
but whoooooooooo aaaaaare yoooooooooooou?

Everyone:  3/6/00  
don't fucking assume anything bitch.
nothing is about you.  

you're not loving me hard enough
who was that girl who just screamed with her old old acoustic guitar... it sounded awful but everyone loved her just cause she did it.... even i did... no one would do that without .. tsk hmm shh i would love to know somebody who would do that.. i mean i would love to know her.. she must be amazing
having all those qualities that're necessity to survive and all the ones i'm sure i'm missing
sadder and angrier and unsettled and more hallucinogenic :) than usual
"i'd like to know why it is you feel so inadequate for the task."
when people speak like that i hope they don't expect an answer .. 


that girl: I can't be around you as much as you want... it's so draining! there's only so much I can say
to you
at all
air

STOP BEING SO FUCKING SAD
helpmehelpmehelpme
(whatever)

you  3/10/00
yes i'm ignoring you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you andyouandyouandyouandyou. fuck you.
okay so i'm pretending to ignore you. but for god's sake. won't you ignore me??

you don't even have a squid on your head. but that's good! good good good good good good good good good good good. watch the self-devouring robotic worms when you feel like smashing windows because lovely? there 'aint no windows left. 



he just doesn't listen cause he's crazie
tralalala

www.hell.com
www.snarg.net
www.jodi.org
www.entropy8zuper.org
www.superbad.com
www.redsmoke.com
oh :) i shouldn't have expected you to
i don't want to know why anything... i can answer them myself: why? becaus ei fee lsorr yfo ryo u..becaus eidon' twan tt oHur tyo u..becaus eiwan tt otaun tyo uan dpla ywit hyou rbrai nan dhopefull ya tleas tb eOn eo fth ecause so fyou rdeat hhhhhhh fuckyoufuckyou f u c k y o u fffffuuuuuuccckkkkkkkk well.. ! now that that's settled.. because there's no way i could possibly be wrong ihopeyoudo find everything you wanttofindihope nothing is too hard and you goalltheplaces you want to go and some you don'tihope you meeteveryoneandlovethem more and i hope you'resuccessfulandadored andthatyou do get yourpreferred metho do fsuicid eon ewit hn ochanc eo fpai no rsurviva la tal l probably. yes probably. as;dasf70932------)*@$E[dosu -dafgwFBM, .MM.M.M.M.M.sfdl; +++++++++++++DWDDDJUUUUUUUUU ,000000000,0,0,0,;lj;]])assasfklut08td=-+-+-54';';';""""""" wAnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnt idon'tthinkitwasFUCKINGMAYBEATALL maybe maybe ,ad....maybe maybe maybe maybemaybemaybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe MAYBE MAYBE MAYEBASLADSMAY MAYBE?!!?! !!!!!!!![[]asfd[asppoifa999999999999999999999999999999999

disharmonious 3/13/00
hot and cold hot and cold why don't i have a cameraaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH?!!?! ihatewhitewine i'm allergic to it gimme a cabernet dammit stop senfing me your stupid crap as ssoon as my mother gets back i'm leaving idpn't want to be here anymore in this house imean i said i'd stay to look after sarah and i did i did id idididididid
boast about
pain
away
i tried my best
sit and watch the page
plan
perhaps i will
i found that written in one of my old notebooks and i don't know what it's from hope is a liar creepdark folie de grandeur c'est a dire je suis amour-popre un beau pour toujours here sweetling, let me pick your mind oho hohohoh yes heaven forbid i be because i KNOW YOU'RE HER I KNOW I KNOW IT getawayyyyyyyyyyyyy random things have so much meaning so many messages because what you think they're random?!!?! fester fester fester didn't you have classes today?! somatolysis lol.. i can't get ******** and i can't get sick and i can't get sad\\\\\happy and ican't can't can't if you're not allowed to say ican't you're not allowed to say i can cause it's the same thing people don't realise their mouths always curve down making moulds of their faces and drawing their portraits they ask why do i look so sad??? i don't look thatsad look at the way your mouth goes LOOK AT IT i'm not going to make you look anything that's not my job why the hell aren't you an organ donor?!!?! do you know HOW many people are on waiting lists waiting for healthy organs? feel free to call me a little more often. 


*slashstabburn*
quite sure i'm not coping so well

where do you see yourself in thirty years?
i'm eighteen · i wish i were ignorant · i'm not angry today · i just desperately want to hurt something · i'm the only one here · i wonder how many hers there are · i'm thinking of a stain on the carpet · i wish wish wish wish a thousand times each day

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