Last night UQ had a postgrad advice night that I’d been planning to attend. Mumm was going to come with me.
She got home from work at 5.30pm and didn’t really want to go. I said that’s fine! and prepared to go on my own, but then she elected to come along anyway.. I think mostly because she’d’ve felt guilty for making me go all on my lonesome (even though I really didn’t care). We left at 6pm.. and realised soon after what a bad time of day it was trafficwise to drive from the northside to St Lucia. We took the Inner City Bypass and towards the end I said to mumm, “get in the right lane.”
“Are you sure?” (mumm doesn’t know Brisbane very well yet.)
“I think so yeah, but I’m not totally sure.” (I don’t know that side of Brisbane very well, but I was still pretty sure).
Anyway mumm decided to ignore me and go in the opposite direction. A direction that took us to a gridlocked intersection at which we got stuck for 15 minutes. The light would turn green but no cars would be able to get through cuz the traffic was just too bad. We sat there getting later & more frustrated till I said “fuck this let’s just go get dinner.”
So I didn’t go get postgraduate advice.
I want to do a PhD. There are factors, though. FACTORS. Ones I kinda need to consider.
First, I’m not too definite about what I want to do my PhD on. You kinda need to go in with at least a vague idea, right? Something you can talk to potential supervisors about so that they look surmisingly at you and think “yes, this one has passion and drive, she is clearly meant to be here. I’ll take her!”
I know I want to do it in the field of social psychology. Social psychology is what got me interested in psychology in the first place. I am passionate about social psych research! But that’s a teency weency bit too broad. I need to narrow it down.
I did my honours thesis on inter-group relations. It would be most easy to continue in that. I would like to do something different though.
Something to do with gender, or young people. The socialisation of gender and how it relates to… rape culture? Or maybe young people and how they communicate about uncomfortable issues like… rape culture?
Maybe I just need to go in with something like that and see where it takes me. But then there are the other factors…
I am saving up to make a deposit on a house with Brenton. Currently I am saving about $1000 a month. At that rate I’ll have saved enough in 6 months… and then I’ll be paying off a mortgage. How can I pay off an enormous amount of loan when I’m working a bunch less because I’m studying?
A PhD takes four years full time. I don’t think I’ll even be able to do full time the whole time. I have three jobs at the moment.
Which brings me to the other factor. If Brenton and I want to have a child it’ll need to be soon. I’m 32. Even if it does take me only four years to finish studying, that’s still too long and I’ll be 36-37 and too old for childing.
How can I do a PhD while paying off a house and having a child I can’t.
So I need to work out my priorities.
Why does deciding have to be a thing :/